Wednesday, October 8, 2014

20 random facts about me

HEEELLLUUURRR LOVAAAHS Eyes closed, pouts lips facing the screen and raising hand up on the air with my fingers pointed in my best Wendy Williams Impression how you doin???, well I hope you guys are doing great in case you’re wondering I am feeling fab at the moment smooches lol. I was tagged by the wonderfulToinlicious  to do the 20’s tag so without further ado let jump into it * SMOOCHES YALL*

 I chew half a piece of gum at a time, I think I am allergic to chewing a whole one (I just don’t like a full mouth unless it real food hehehe if I can’t swallow you why should I exercise my molars like that)

 I used to read romance novels way back in the days I slowed down a couple of years ago I still have about 2 Cartons full of books in the garage I am so over them now (all of them just seemed redundant all they do is shack and fall in love) but now I am into inspirational (I never thought I would enjoy reading such things lol) making my life better kinda books you wanna know why? ( many years ago when I first did that sinful act chaaaaiiii it pained me o I realized I was tricked by those books it aint as rosy as those romance books depicts everything so I came home and packed up those lying book angrily into a box I was very na├»ve what can I say lol ).

 I like my men Tall Dudu Osun color (dark chocolate) as in that dudu must be intense and korikori shey u get? hehehehe you know like Morris Chestnut I don’t want dudu ashy o, but all the dudumen I dated it didn’t work o so I have been thinking maybe I will port to team yellow lol or just be open minded and not accept only dudu applicant. Yall pray for me because dudu osun men may not even be what God planned for me o that is the irony of life

 I cook when I am inspired or hunger is about to make me pass out I just don’t want to be in the kitchen longer than 20 minutes…. that why God gave us scrambled eggs lol

I sleep with the a/c on full blast kinda around 60 degrees it so weird because I am always cold lol but something about that cold air blasting on full force, (I love a loud air conditioner because it drowns any loud sound) and snuggling under a blanket ghen ghen ghen lemme just tell you this when I sleep with the room freezing I usually visit all the planets lol give it a try guys… (If you freeze don’t come and accuse me did I send u lol)

I am a bit OCD about locks on the door, every night before i go to sleep, I get up to check the door knob,(sometimes twice lol) regardless of where I am home, hotels, anywhere I gotta double check and make sure, sometimes I even call home and ask my siblings can you double check the door( I dunno why o, I just won’t have peace until I know for a fact every door is confirmed locked even when I am not home sha but it is well with my soul lol)

 I am a complete chatterbox haba can’t u tell already I am yet to run out of words and I aint shy either ( bless your heart if you sit next to me on a plane and you aren’t chatty I will talk to you whether you like it or not sha and if you are good and feeling up to it we might end up taking selfies lol done that a couple of times) we are living in a selfie time yall make use of it now because when u get old and your grandkids are asking for your selfie is don’t be looking like groundnut o.

 I really really really love eating rice, do you see the 3 reallys, My love of rice is something I am yet to comprehend I can eat it every day for the rest of my life. Something about it just hitting my taste buds bring me immense joy lol ( you can tell I am foodie see how I am romancing rice see my life shuuoo) when I was younger one Sunday my mother suddenly decide to change menu oh yeah see gobe my sadness was akin to someone who lost it all, she had to ask me what was wrong and I told her I am wondering why you didn’t cook rice today is something wrong , kia kia she ran and put rice on the fire o nobody had to tell her twice.

 I do teeth inspections when I am in the car usually at Redlights or parking lot, you’ll just see me moving my mouth making funny faces try to get a glimpse of my molars and all 32 looking into the visor mirror LIKE JIM CARREY (I know a lot of people would be thinking what wrong with this girl what the heck is she doing  making faces at a mirror I AM WELL O.

 I am so into lipsticks it crazy at last count there were over 110 and peep this I only have one pair of lips o it like I should go and do lip transplant all over lol so I can use all of them very very well and to those who asked to see it I am currently working out of state so I am not home yet ( so when I get home I’ll take a pic of all of em) but trust me I have accumulated quite a few here so that is why I am suspecting MAC are guys sure they don’t do juju?

I am a very lazy naturalista as in sometimes when I see the length of my hair I thank God because I am surprised that they aren’t breaking off and I don’t even sleep with a head wrap *cover face in shame* , I wash and detangle every 2 weeks and trust me to do the minimum, what is porosity ? Which one is hair type ogini? I don’t have time for all that o because I will balance this my blonde wig like oshuka come morning (those things seller put on their head to balance their wares when they carry it) I just know that I have hair and I am Nigerian so if you ask me what type of hair the answer is Nigerian hair otan (finish).

 I have Almond shaped eyes hence the name of my blog and they are fully functional I just love em. I wouldn’t trade my oju(eyes) for anything in this world but then again it isn’t tradable lol.

 I cannot swim to save my life but I have perfected the art of wading in it if my feet’s aren’t touching the floor it time to start wading near the children section abeg I cannot come and die o I am not a mermaid o I know my level.

I never used to like change but I have learned to embrace it because in order for great things to happen in one’s life CHANGE must happen (nothing great ever happened to anyone whose life remained stagnant).

 I have learned not to be ruled by fear because it is not of God and neither should it control my decision (the devil goes about planting fears in peoples mind and if you listen to it you end up missing a lot of opportunities what you need to do is go with the mind of God peep David out in the bible if you don’t know now you know o) you will be shocked by what is out there when you let go of fear.

I sleep with 5 pillows every night (Yup you read right)each one strategically placed ( 4 for my head and one for side support, my head is special to me o), the housekeepers in my current hotel room know not to mess with it ( I am not a wakawaka baby nah job dey carry me enter hotels o but anyhoo i just dont tolerate anyone messing with my pillow arrangement it fit cause fight o lol I kid you not first thing i do is inform housekeeping leave my pillows as is dont squish it) and my sibling know at home not to borrow Ms. Cookies pillows because I place and DE fluff them how I like it. if not there will be an investigation about my precious pillows ( the future hubs will be duly informed biko don’t borrow my pillow and I will stamp our names on each of our pillow sha but who know maybe love will allow me borrow him my pillow until then it all mine).

 I am all about my private space I don’t like when folks get all into it.

 If you want to see magic free of charge come with pen,paper and give me a math question, trust me I will blow your mind away to pieces hehehe ( I don’t know if it will be in a good or bad way but nah u sabi o ) as in how I arrive at my answers sef astounds me gan.

 I guard my heart very well and I have learned to love myself (doesn’t mean I am conceited but who else is gonna love u if you don’t love yourself) even the bible says “love your neighbor as yourself” and don’t stay or surround yourselves with people who don’t make you happy and don’t tolerate nonsense from anyone guard your heart you have one life to live so live it well!!!!! I can’t stress it enough.

I love you all BOOM!!!! I bet you weren’t expecting that but yeah I really do, I never thought I was going to have any one read my blog in fact the idea of getting one comment was laughable to me so you can imagine how shocked I was when I was embraced into the blogging family so with that said I truly appreciate YOU (yes you if u are reading this) for your lovely comments and even if you are a silent reader.

 I just noticed that I am bloody chatter box chaaaii (pardon my french) lol even my writing depicts it anyhoo let me tell you something else ( sry Toinlicious I broke the rule) I dislike liars, Whew!!!! I just had to let yall know that or I just wouldn’t feel complete lol. P.s I wrote this in a rush so plz excuse my typos I don’t have time to proofread sighs….. But anyhooo DRUMROLLS PLZ!!!!!!!! So I am tagging Buiti Christian,Afolabi Tosyne,Temitope Adegbite,Tibs,Destiny, Moby,Yourstruly,Highly Favoured,Chris Okafor,momentwithzoe,lifeasvira,Adaezenwa,Petite Diva,Folasoasis,Duru,fredilia,Esther,newdawn,ladywannabeblog Plz free to join in if i didnt tag you anyhoo yall it a Great day outthere have a Fabulous day ( to the guys have a great day unless you want a fabulous day lol) muaaaaawwwww.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014


I hereby title this LONG post of life abi wetin you think
Long post alert let me start with my response first from the previous blog post
@Destiny hehe I have decided to take your advice and make Sunday my cheat day but I am fearing God already hopefully I won’t eat myself to stupor but if it happens there are only two things I either burst or I start floating like A helium filled balloon. (If I start floating I will make CNN NEWS SHA YOU WILL know it Ms cookie) I hereby give u permission to speak about me in case you’re invited to talk with Anderson Cooper.
@Afolabi Tosyne   hehehe I’m glad I was able to make you laugh and haaaa you want to see me ke my kind of beauty is blinding o you have to be strong oya send me workout tips I am open and if u insist I will send you my pic but don’t say I didn’t warn you sha * just go and invest in sunshade before you see me* and  haaa it is that kind of your skinniness gan gan that I want you know like beauty pageant queens but I will take anything at this point because I am suspecting that I have big bones like queen latifah and I have accepted my lot  abi it is better to have thick bones than no bones at all o. hehehe.
@ Vira Virah lol don’t go and pass out at work o (I almost did at work also) don’t let waist carving spoil your pocket o and as for sucking honey trust me I have tried it and my own don pass level of sucking it in *sucks in right now and looks down at tummy and the verdict is I look the same* I will keep working out afterall rome wasn’t built in a day
@ Mobyoflife lol @your comment I won’t kill myself o lailai   the devil is a liar, yeah you see I also day dream a lot at the gym I think of how I wish all this fat would just magically move to my ass like J.lo abi  don’t you think it would be a good investment? And I also dream of all the outfits I will wear haaaa you GUYS will be sweating when you see this bodyoflife just wait o, just do me this favor go and buy sun shade if you don’t have one already because mann I fit blind you by next year Lol and thank you jare it will indeed come true I have a date with a 2 piece next summer by force by fire.
@Buiti Christian thank you jare smooches I love how you can’t wait to see me whenever I post this my current pic up just divide my body into a vertical half and you will be seeing me already, I don arrive be dat o (as a sharp babe I’m teaching you guys how to see the future o, that how I want u guys to see me don’t be a learnerJ )
@Yours Truly….. in fact just chop kiss my Gawd you see when I saw the word PROLIFIC WRITE I just stopped what I was doing and started smiling like a nincompoop at work as in my head started swelling o, it remain to apply ice block to it  as in my head was raised to the power 100 ( SHEY YOU KNOW algebraic THINGS now)ahaha a whole me it was like you dashed me Grammy award o for my mind just so u know  I introduced myself at work as a prolific person hehehehe  and you are right jare who said I am not sexier than Beyonce, Shakira and co I will soon meet up with them it just remain small. And amen to you being a prolific renowned writer from your mouth to his ears.
@sykik haaaa I have already wounded o, if you see the way that corset dealt with me ehen. First it makes me all sweaty and when I take it off I will be itching like a crazy woman as in I don’t even know where I want to scratch first and one time (let me whisper in your ears come closer) I wore this weapon of waist mass destruction to work and I thought I was dying slowly as in I ran to the bathroom and took it off kia kia haaaa because of waist I almost lost money o. see me see trouble  and as for bum clincher they have o it is kuku therE O IT WILL ENVELOPE YOUR BUTT CHEECKS ( I SUSPECT IT CUTS OF CIRCULATION O BUT U KNOW BEAUTY IS PAIN)AND SEIZE IT AND MAKE IT PROTRUDE BY THUNDER I saw it on ebay also  that one dey like some kind of gadget but it is well o, we are all in search of different things. I wouldn’t mind giving you fat transfer to your bum because honey I have more than enough and God loves a cheerful giverJ.
@Chris Okafor  FINE chocolate specimen that my name for you now whether you like or not I saw your PIISSSHHUUURREE on Tibs tell tales)  yes indeedy I went thru it and still is  and as you can see it is not easy o but I am determined and plus I have outed myself so I gotta rep you get on another note btw you and I when I get that body you will have to sing ada ada to me and carry guitar o ( i will allow you to pretend to play dont worry ) o  start practicing the song now that your assignment lol.
@ Petite Diva lol my dear such is life o abi see how I am chasing waist, other people want ass for days , and some even want boobs am sure God is looking down and saying this my children ehen  why can’t they be happy with what they have. I mean look at the irony you want to gain I want to lose chaii if only we can do body transplant I will just dash you and carry your lepacious body and run away very quickly….
@toinlicious in dame patience voice * you too*  eeeyaaah I don’t mind donating fat for your bumbum o if that is the case I am so blessed with all round fat ( i can't dash you the one in my bum sha o my generosity no dey that kain level o i am only giving away stomach fat you can deposit it where you like o) it ridiculous I can do fat transfer for your girls all at the same time. I am generous person after all even God loves a cheerful giver lol and then you shake that bumbum till eternity. Just change your prayer for God to dash you a little bit of fat from ms cookie’s generous portion and see if he won’t answer your prayers. I think we should join hands sha.
@adazenwa thank you for being on my side jare chop kiss. You see 2015 is our year o I need u to start using this hashtag #slimgirlswahaladeyo2015isoforallofus ASAP We won’t give all this sexy slim girls rest o, na our year be that one it is a case of by fire, by force, by thunder and by lightening. *SHOUTING WE no go greee oooo we no go gree *
@ Fola H-S   I got that weapon from ebay, plz let me know your experience it is well with your waist o datizzz all I have to say lol  J  
              I  am so sorry for responding late to the last post comments you see guys and as far as where have I been well  I have been developing a  relationship with the gym my soon to be lovaah if we can just get over this initial shakara.  My goal is to start making   love to the elliptical machine and dumbbells. and oooh guys right now I hurt everywhere (fret not it is the good kind of pain) you see I worked out with one of my homegirl/coworker she is one of those slim lepacious girls those kinds that you go out to eat with and you look at your plate and you feel ashamed for a minute but ( for me sha it passes as soon as I take a bite of my ribs and ketchup drenched french-fries while I watch her eating her side of broccoli, aspragus,and chicken breast( I  love chicken  thighs and drumstick my God why can’t I be attracted to healthy things like white meat like  chicken breast this life isn’t fair o but let me quit lamenting ) anyhoo  let me get to my point she played basketball from middle school, high school  and all the way thru College so staying healthy is a way of life for her, so I decide to align myself with success o jare *abi who no like better thing*, you see there was another chick well her body is just there and she was doing her own work out and wanted me to join her I was like thanks for your offer I need results, you see it doesn’t make  any sense for me to follow her because it will simply be a case of the blind leading the blind hehe ( so anyways guys I almost died o  true talk OMG I never HESSPERRITED THIS LEVEL OF PAIN chaiiiiiii you guys would have weeped for me… we stretched and spent 30 minutes lifting dumbbells working out all part of my body even muscles that I never worked out before I made vigorous love to the elliptical for 30 minutes. my goal is to continue so we can join together as one in the future. plus  I have already announced to you guys about my incoming beyonce curves so I gotta pull thru (  I don’t want to be shamed o). I will be honest during my workout with homegirl I felt like quitting cuz chaaiii the way my heart was beating jesuchristi oluwa mi (you know it painful when I quote Yoruba during the exercise I remembered the first line of *our lord’s prayer* in Yoruba also lol that as far as I can say so u know it real if that popped in my mind). You  would have thought  I saw a check for a trillion dollars in  my name the way I was breathing ...... so night came and hehehe I had to use ibuprofen just to sleep every nerve ending was on fire i was so scared to change position or get up to pee because CHAIII it hurt like hell,  but  I consoled myself and said "self pele very soon u will debut yourself jare and the world will bow hehehe(see as I like to psych myself)" I slept for 4 hours and woke up when the meds wore off ( this continued for a week) but guess what I did when  I woke up the next morning  I worked out again and combined with my modified diet and corset(  I took a break for the past 3 days from my corset my weapon of waist mass destruction I think every other day will be fine with me I can’t come die o over waist carving) infact I couldn’t even walk like myself  I was  waddling like a duck wey car don jam before  or 120 year old woman *your choice*. but I am focusing on the future sha because baybay my future is very very bright o all of you will all need sunshade hehehe and for those who want to see my pissshuuureee. you see I am anonymous but I can show u a full  back pic and maybe a sideprofile  I suppose  and  I will let u request which eye u want to see left or right like obiamaka hehehehe let me know (my left side is my good side o) and  I’ll tally it up. If you like gist stay tuned while I serve you some tea honey  you will be interested in what I have downloaded below * the news get as e be o infact I gave it a different title lol*

                   Waka waka baby oh yeah, you be wuru wuru baby oh yeah *section*
*singing sawa sawa sawaley kpokoton pompom* forgive my heathen song but that what came to my mind lol   in order news I have some wakawakababy kinda  gists for u guys  so the other day I overheard some coworkers from a different unit talking about something during lunch and naturally since I am not deaf I couldn’t help but tune in my NASA ears to  join in and I started asking questions ( i love gist I aint even gonna lie )so there was this neurosurgeon *he was one of the best* right and  he was married   I dont know why he couldn’t scratch whatever was itching his groin region by himself  because he started sleeping around with a prostitute and ole girl had a pimp/boyfriend. i guess she decided she was gonna leave her pimp and just be with the doctor fulltime so she wouldn’t have to share her money after all she was the one doing all the Olympic bed exercise, well so every day  after work they  meet up at the same room in the hotel  and get to work on this certain *cardiovascular workout* ( I’m trying to keep it clean yall though I am tempted to use certain words LOL) so this unfortunate day they were doing it by the balcony and before they know it her pimp came in all mad (he had a key becausee he used to  book their reservations and  when she dumped him the night before  she someone didn’t think to change location or room) so he comes in while they were doing the vertical azonto dance by the balcony and throws the neurosurgeon over  the balcony of a several stories high hotel and that how he died. I was like wow what a horrible way for his wife and kids to find out. so anyhoo the pimp is now in jail I didn’t really follow up on how many years he got because I was just flabbergasted. *( my coworkers love gossip too much chai is it my fault that I am hearing it ehen lol free me o I am just a victim here ) GIST 2 ANOTHER DOCTOR  I mean this dude is so strict and straight-laced when I heard I just kept saying shocker of life because I didn’t know he could get down like that.  Apparently he was having an affair with a unit nurse and she got pregnant unbeknownst to him the nurse was having an affair with 4 other doctors in the same hospital (madam player) and she tried to get him to pay her child support on the low low but he was like naah that aint my baby  well she tried to pin it on the other 4 doctors and they also reject it well  the news  spread like a wild Californian fire in the hospital the other 4 doctors found out and both denied having anything to do with her, right now i guess she is too ashamed to do a  DNA test and she is now the laughingstock of the hospital (even though we know it took 6 people to tango in this hotmess) but she is gangsta because home girl is still working and didn’t quit despite all the snickering going on behind her back.  The main doctor she was messing with ( in her mind he was going to marry her and divorce his wife and dump his daughters) his wife got sick and she was brought in to this same hospital he works at. when he came in to see her she just kept screaming loudly " you m****f***** I better not be on the same floor as that wh*** you are such a cheater, get out of my room, get lost, you better make sure she doesn’t come into my room, you are  so nasty yada yada yada" well the doctor came out he was so red-faced and embarrassed. but you know I was just wondering why one woman would decide to juggle 5 men kilode are you that insatiable and now the poor child has no father it sad, I really hope one day she decides to give all 5 men a DNA test and claim her child support, and the worst part is now all 5 doctors have gotten over it and are known to hang out sometimes IRONYOFLIFE sighs I was just like mann some chicks just ask for it.........
It a wonderful day out there out there don’t let any leeches suck the life out of it for you, live your life,  stay happy and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise smooches yall muaaaaawwwwwww. *takes a long sip of my Lipton orange pekeo tea with splenda ofcourse ( i rebuke any sugar calories )*i dont know why i have been sippin on tea lately o i think i am being influenced by kermit anyhoo, am OFF TO FIND MY CELERY STICKS TO MUNCH ON J  I’m out…