Wednesday, October 8, 2014

20 random facts about me

HEEELLLUUURRR LOVAAAHS Eyes closed, pouts lips facing the screen and raising hand up on the air with my fingers pointed in my best Wendy Williams Impression how you doin???, well I hope you guys are doing great in case you’re wondering I am feeling fab at the moment smooches lol. I was tagged by the wonderfulToinlicious  to do the 20’s tag so without further ado let jump into it * SMOOCHES YALL*

 I chew half a piece of gum at a time, I think I am allergic to chewing a whole one (I just don’t like a full mouth unless it real food hehehe if I can’t swallow you why should I exercise my molars like that)

 I used to read romance novels way back in the days I slowed down a couple of years ago I still have about 2 Cartons full of books in the garage I am so over them now (all of them just seemed redundant all they do is shack and fall in love) but now I am into inspirational (I never thought I would enjoy reading such things lol) making my life better kinda books you wanna know why? ( many years ago when I first did that sinful act chaaaaiiii it pained me o I realized I was tricked by those books it aint as rosy as those romance books depicts everything so I came home and packed up those lying book angrily into a box I was very na├»ve what can I say lol ).

 I like my men Tall Dudu Osun color (dark chocolate) as in that dudu must be intense and korikori shey u get? hehehehe you know like Morris Chestnut I don’t want dudu ashy o, but all the dudumen I dated it didn’t work o so I have been thinking maybe I will port to team yellow lol or just be open minded and not accept only dudu applicant. Yall pray for me because dudu osun men may not even be what God planned for me o that is the irony of life

 I cook when I am inspired or hunger is about to make me pass out I just don’t want to be in the kitchen longer than 20 minutes…. that why God gave us scrambled eggs lol

I sleep with the a/c on full blast kinda around 60 degrees it so weird because I am always cold lol but something about that cold air blasting on full force, (I love a loud air conditioner because it drowns any loud sound) and snuggling under a blanket ghen ghen ghen lemme just tell you this when I sleep with the room freezing I usually visit all the planets lol give it a try guys… (If you freeze don’t come and accuse me did I send u lol)

I am a bit OCD about locks on the door, every night before i go to sleep, I get up to check the door knob,(sometimes twice lol) regardless of where I am home, hotels, anywhere I gotta double check and make sure, sometimes I even call home and ask my siblings can you double check the door( I dunno why o, I just won’t have peace until I know for a fact every door is confirmed locked even when I am not home sha but it is well with my soul lol)

 I am a complete chatterbox haba can’t u tell already I am yet to run out of words and I aint shy either ( bless your heart if you sit next to me on a plane and you aren’t chatty I will talk to you whether you like it or not sha and if you are good and feeling up to it we might end up taking selfies lol done that a couple of times) we are living in a selfie time yall make use of it now because when u get old and your grandkids are asking for your selfie is don’t be looking like groundnut o.

 I really really really love eating rice, do you see the 3 reallys, My love of rice is something I am yet to comprehend I can eat it every day for the rest of my life. Something about it just hitting my taste buds bring me immense joy lol ( you can tell I am foodie see how I am romancing rice see my life shuuoo) when I was younger one Sunday my mother suddenly decide to change menu oh yeah see gobe my sadness was akin to someone who lost it all, she had to ask me what was wrong and I told her I am wondering why you didn’t cook rice today is something wrong , kia kia she ran and put rice on the fire o nobody had to tell her twice.

 I do teeth inspections when I am in the car usually at Redlights or parking lot, you’ll just see me moving my mouth making funny faces try to get a glimpse of my molars and all 32 looking into the visor mirror LIKE JIM CARREY (I know a lot of people would be thinking what wrong with this girl what the heck is she doing  making faces at a mirror I AM WELL O.

 I am so into lipsticks it crazy at last count there were over 110 and peep this I only have one pair of lips o it like I should go and do lip transplant all over lol so I can use all of them very very well and to those who asked to see it I am currently working out of state so I am not home yet ( so when I get home I’ll take a pic of all of em) but trust me I have accumulated quite a few here so that is why I am suspecting MAC are guys sure they don’t do juju?

I am a very lazy naturalista as in sometimes when I see the length of my hair I thank God because I am surprised that they aren’t breaking off and I don’t even sleep with a head wrap *cover face in shame* , I wash and detangle every 2 weeks and trust me to do the minimum, what is porosity ? Which one is hair type ogini? I don’t have time for all that o because I will balance this my blonde wig like oshuka come morning (those things seller put on their head to balance their wares when they carry it) I just know that I have hair and I am Nigerian so if you ask me what type of hair the answer is Nigerian hair otan (finish).

 I have Almond shaped eyes hence the name of my blog and they are fully functional I just love em. I wouldn’t trade my oju(eyes) for anything in this world but then again it isn’t tradable lol.

 I cannot swim to save my life but I have perfected the art of wading in it if my feet’s aren’t touching the floor it time to start wading near the children section abeg I cannot come and die o I am not a mermaid o I know my level.

I never used to like change but I have learned to embrace it because in order for great things to happen in one’s life CHANGE must happen (nothing great ever happened to anyone whose life remained stagnant).

 I have learned not to be ruled by fear because it is not of God and neither should it control my decision (the devil goes about planting fears in peoples mind and if you listen to it you end up missing a lot of opportunities what you need to do is go with the mind of God peep David out in the bible if you don’t know now you know o) you will be shocked by what is out there when you let go of fear.

I sleep with 5 pillows every night (Yup you read right)each one strategically placed ( 4 for my head and one for side support, my head is special to me o), the housekeepers in my current hotel room know not to mess with it ( I am not a wakawaka baby nah job dey carry me enter hotels o but anyhoo i just dont tolerate anyone messing with my pillow arrangement it fit cause fight o lol I kid you not first thing i do is inform housekeeping leave my pillows as is dont squish it) and my sibling know at home not to borrow Ms. Cookies pillows because I place and DE fluff them how I like it. if not there will be an investigation about my precious pillows ( the future hubs will be duly informed biko don’t borrow my pillow and I will stamp our names on each of our pillow sha but who know maybe love will allow me borrow him my pillow until then it all mine).

 I am all about my private space I don’t like when folks get all into it.

 If you want to see magic free of charge come with pen,paper and give me a math question, trust me I will blow your mind away to pieces hehehe ( I don’t know if it will be in a good or bad way but nah u sabi o ) as in how I arrive at my answers sef astounds me gan.

 I guard my heart very well and I have learned to love myself (doesn’t mean I am conceited but who else is gonna love u if you don’t love yourself) even the bible says “love your neighbor as yourself” and don’t stay or surround yourselves with people who don’t make you happy and don’t tolerate nonsense from anyone guard your heart you have one life to live so live it well!!!!! I can’t stress it enough.

I love you all BOOM!!!! I bet you weren’t expecting that but yeah I really do, I never thought I was going to have any one read my blog in fact the idea of getting one comment was laughable to me so you can imagine how shocked I was when I was embraced into the blogging family so with that said I truly appreciate YOU (yes you if u are reading this) for your lovely comments and even if you are a silent reader.

 I just noticed that I am bloody chatter box chaaaii (pardon my french) lol even my writing depicts it anyhoo let me tell you something else ( sry Toinlicious I broke the rule) I dislike liars, Whew!!!! I just had to let yall know that or I just wouldn’t feel complete lol. P.s I wrote this in a rush so plz excuse my typos I don’t have time to proofread sighs….. But anyhooo DRUMROLLS PLZ!!!!!!!! So I am tagging Buiti Christian,Afolabi Tosyne,Temitope Adegbite,Tibs,Destiny, Moby,Yourstruly,Highly Favoured,Chris Okafor,momentwithzoe,lifeasvira,Adaezenwa,Petite Diva,Folasoasis,Duru,fredilia,Esther,newdawn,ladywannabeblog Plz free to join in if i didnt tag you anyhoo yall it a Great day outthere have a Fabulous day ( to the guys have a great day unless you want a fabulous day lol) muaaaaawwwww.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

POST OF LIFE



I hereby title this LONG post of life abi wetin you think
Long post alert let me start with my response first from the previous blog post
@Destiny hehe I have decided to take your advice and make Sunday my cheat day but I am fearing God already hopefully I won’t eat myself to stupor but if it happens there are only two things I either burst or I start floating like A helium filled balloon. (If I start floating I will make CNN NEWS SHA YOU WILL know it Ms cookie) I hereby give u permission to speak about me in case you’re invited to talk with Anderson Cooper.
@Afolabi Tosyne   hehehe I’m glad I was able to make you laugh and haaaa you want to see me ke my kind of beauty is blinding o you have to be strong oya send me workout tips I am open and if u insist I will send you my pic but don’t say I didn’t warn you sha * just go and invest in sunshade before you see me* and  haaa it is that kind of your skinniness gan gan that I want you know like beauty pageant queens but I will take anything at this point because I am suspecting that I have big bones like queen latifah and I have accepted my lot  abi it is better to have thick bones than no bones at all o. hehehe.
@ Vira Virah lol don’t go and pass out at work o (I almost did at work also) don’t let waist carving spoil your pocket o and as for sucking honey trust me I have tried it and my own don pass level of sucking it in *sucks in right now and looks down at tummy and the verdict is I look the same* I will keep working out afterall rome wasn’t built in a day
@ Mobyoflife lol @your comment I won’t kill myself o lailai   the devil is a liar, yeah you see I also day dream a lot at the gym I think of how I wish all this fat would just magically move to my ass like J.lo abi  don’t you think it would be a good investment? And I also dream of all the outfits I will wear haaaa you GUYS will be sweating when you see this bodyoflife just wait o, just do me this favor go and buy sun shade if you don’t have one already because mann I fit blind you by next year Lol and thank you jare it will indeed come true I have a date with a 2 piece next summer by force by fire.
@Buiti Christian thank you jare smooches I love how you can’t wait to see me whenever I post this my current pic up just divide my body into a vertical half and you will be seeing me already, I don arrive be dat o (as a sharp babe I’m teaching you guys how to see the future o, that how I want u guys to see me don’t be a learnerJ )
@Yours Truly….. in fact just chop kiss my Gawd you see when I saw the word PROLIFIC WRITE I just stopped what I was doing and started smiling like a nincompoop at work as in my head started swelling o, it remain to apply ice block to it  as in my head was raised to the power 100 ( SHEY YOU KNOW algebraic THINGS now)ahaha a whole me it was like you dashed me Grammy award o for my mind just so u know  I introduced myself at work as a prolific person hehehehe  and you are right jare who said I am not sexier than Beyonce, Shakira and co I will soon meet up with them it just remain small. And amen to you being a prolific renowned writer from your mouth to his ears.
@sykik haaaa I have already wounded o, if you see the way that corset dealt with me ehen. First it makes me all sweaty and when I take it off I will be itching like a crazy woman as in I don’t even know where I want to scratch first and one time (let me whisper in your ears come closer) I wore this weapon of waist mass destruction to work and I thought I was dying slowly as in I ran to the bathroom and took it off kia kia haaaa because of waist I almost lost money o. see me see trouble  and as for bum clincher they have o it is kuku therE O IT WILL ENVELOPE YOUR BUTT CHEECKS ( I SUSPECT IT CUTS OF CIRCULATION O BUT U KNOW BEAUTY IS PAIN)AND SEIZE IT AND MAKE IT PROTRUDE BY THUNDER I saw it on ebay also  that one dey like some kind of gadget but it is well o, we are all in search of different things. I wouldn’t mind giving you fat transfer to your bum because honey I have more than enough and God loves a cheerful giverJ.
@Chris Okafor  FINE chocolate specimen that my name for you now whether you like or not I saw your PIISSSHHUUURREE on Tibs tell tales)  yes indeedy I went thru it and still is  and as you can see it is not easy o but I am determined and plus I have outed myself so I gotta rep you get on another note btw you and I when I get that body you will have to sing ada ada to me and carry guitar o ( i will allow you to pretend to play dont worry ) o  start practicing the song now that your assignment lol.
@ Petite Diva lol my dear such is life o abi see how I am chasing waist, other people want ass for days , and some even want boobs am sure God is looking down and saying this my children ehen  why can’t they be happy with what they have. I mean look at the irony you want to gain I want to lose chaii if only we can do body transplant I will just dash you and carry your lepacious body and run away very quickly….
@toinlicious in dame patience voice * you too*  eeeyaaah I don’t mind donating fat for your bumbum o if that is the case I am so blessed with all round fat ( i can't dash you the one in my bum sha o my generosity no dey that kain level o i am only giving away stomach fat you can deposit it where you like o) it ridiculous I can do fat transfer for your girls all at the same time. I am generous person after all even God loves a cheerful giver lol and then you shake that bumbum till eternity. Just change your prayer for God to dash you a little bit of fat from ms cookie’s generous portion and see if he won’t answer your prayers. I think we should join hands sha.
@adazenwa thank you for being on my side jare chop kiss. You see 2015 is our year o I need u to start using this hashtag #slimgirlswahaladeyo2015isoforallofus ASAP We won’t give all this sexy slim girls rest o, na our year be that one it is a case of by fire, by force, by thunder and by lightening. *SHOUTING WE no go greee oooo we no go gree *
@ Fola H-S   I got that weapon from ebay, plz let me know your experience it is well with your waist o datizzz all I have to say lol  J  
              I  am so sorry for responding late to the last post comments you see guys and as far as where have I been well  I have been developing a  relationship with the gym my soon to be lovaah if we can just get over this initial shakara.  My goal is to start making   love to the elliptical machine and dumbbells. and oooh guys right now I hurt everywhere (fret not it is the good kind of pain) you see I worked out with one of my homegirl/coworker she is one of those slim lepacious girls those kinds that you go out to eat with and you look at your plate and you feel ashamed for a minute but ( for me sha it passes as soon as I take a bite of my ribs and ketchup drenched french-fries while I watch her eating her side of broccoli, aspragus,and chicken breast( I  love chicken  thighs and drumstick my God why can’t I be attracted to healthy things like white meat like  chicken breast this life isn’t fair o but let me quit lamenting ) anyhoo  let me get to my point she played basketball from middle school, high school  and all the way thru College so staying healthy is a way of life for her, so I decide to align myself with success o jare *abi who no like better thing*, you see there was another chick well her body is just there and she was doing her own work out and wanted me to join her I was like thanks for your offer I need results, you see it doesn’t make  any sense for me to follow her because it will simply be a case of the blind leading the blind hehe ( so anyways guys I almost died o  true talk OMG I never HESSPERRITED THIS LEVEL OF PAIN chaiiiiiii you guys would have weeped for me… we stretched and spent 30 minutes lifting dumbbells working out all part of my body even muscles that I never worked out before I made vigorous love to the elliptical for 30 minutes. my goal is to continue so we can join together as one in the future. plus  I have already announced to you guys about my incoming beyonce curves so I gotta pull thru (  I don’t want to be shamed o). I will be honest during my workout with homegirl I felt like quitting cuz chaaiii the way my heart was beating jesuchristi oluwa mi (you know it painful when I quote Yoruba during the exercise I remembered the first line of *our lord’s prayer* in Yoruba also lol that as far as I can say so u know it real if that popped in my mind). You  would have thought  I saw a check for a trillion dollars in  my name the way I was breathing ...... so night came and hehehe I had to use ibuprofen just to sleep every nerve ending was on fire i was so scared to change position or get up to pee because CHAIII it hurt like hell,  but  I consoled myself and said "self pele very soon u will debut yourself jare and the world will bow hehehe(see as I like to psych myself)" I slept for 4 hours and woke up when the meds wore off ( this continued for a week) but guess what I did when  I woke up the next morning  I worked out again and combined with my modified diet and corset(  I took a break for the past 3 days from my corset my weapon of waist mass destruction I think every other day will be fine with me I can’t come die o over waist carving) infact I couldn’t even walk like myself  I was  waddling like a duck wey car don jam before  or 120 year old woman *your choice*. but I am focusing on the future sha because baybay my future is very very bright o all of you will all need sunshade hehehe and for those who want to see my pissshuuureee. you see I am anonymous but I can show u a full  back pic and maybe a sideprofile  I suppose  and  I will let u request which eye u want to see left or right like obiamaka hehehehe let me know (my left side is my good side o) and  I’ll tally it up. If you like gist stay tuned while I serve you some tea honey  you will be interested in what I have downloaded below * the news get as e be o infact I gave it a different title lol*

                   Waka waka baby oh yeah, you be wuru wuru baby oh yeah *section*
*singing sawa sawa sawaley kpokoton pompom* forgive my heathen song but that what came to my mind lol   in order news I have some wakawakababy kinda  gists for u guys  so the other day I overheard some coworkers from a different unit talking about something during lunch and naturally since I am not deaf I couldn’t help but tune in my NASA ears to  join in and I started asking questions ( i love gist I aint even gonna lie )so there was this neurosurgeon *he was one of the best* right and  he was married   I dont know why he couldn’t scratch whatever was itching his groin region by himself  because he started sleeping around with a prostitute and ole girl had a pimp/boyfriend. i guess she decided she was gonna leave her pimp and just be with the doctor fulltime so she wouldn’t have to share her money after all she was the one doing all the Olympic bed exercise, well so every day  after work they  meet up at the same room in the hotel  and get to work on this certain *cardiovascular workout* ( I’m trying to keep it clean yall though I am tempted to use certain words LOL) so this unfortunate day they were doing it by the balcony and before they know it her pimp came in all mad (he had a key becausee he used to  book their reservations and  when she dumped him the night before  she someone didn’t think to change location or room) so he comes in while they were doing the vertical azonto dance by the balcony and throws the neurosurgeon over  the balcony of a several stories high hotel and that how he died. I was like wow what a horrible way for his wife and kids to find out. so anyhoo the pimp is now in jail I didn’t really follow up on how many years he got because I was just flabbergasted. *( my coworkers love gossip too much chai is it my fault that I am hearing it ehen lol free me o I am just a victim here ) GIST 2 ANOTHER DOCTOR  I mean this dude is so strict and straight-laced when I heard I just kept saying shocker of life because I didn’t know he could get down like that.  Apparently he was having an affair with a unit nurse and she got pregnant unbeknownst to him the nurse was having an affair with 4 other doctors in the same hospital (madam player) and she tried to get him to pay her child support on the low low but he was like naah that aint my baby  well she tried to pin it on the other 4 doctors and they also reject it well  the news  spread like a wild Californian fire in the hospital the other 4 doctors found out and both denied having anything to do with her, right now i guess she is too ashamed to do a  DNA test and she is now the laughingstock of the hospital (even though we know it took 6 people to tango in this hotmess) but she is gangsta because home girl is still working and didn’t quit despite all the snickering going on behind her back.  The main doctor she was messing with ( in her mind he was going to marry her and divorce his wife and dump his daughters) his wife got sick and she was brought in to this same hospital he works at. when he came in to see her she just kept screaming loudly " you m****f***** I better not be on the same floor as that wh*** you are such a cheater, get out of my room, get lost, you better make sure she doesn’t come into my room, you are  so nasty yada yada yada" well the doctor came out he was so red-faced and embarrassed. but you know I was just wondering why one woman would decide to juggle 5 men kilode are you that insatiable and now the poor child has no father it sad, I really hope one day she decides to give all 5 men a DNA test and claim her child support, and the worst part is now all 5 doctors have gotten over it and are known to hang out sometimes IRONYOFLIFE sighs I was just like mann some chicks just ask for it.........
It a wonderful day out there out there don’t let any leeches suck the life out of it for you, live your life,  stay happy and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise smooches yall muaaaaawwwwwww. *takes a long sip of my Lipton orange pekeo tea with splenda ofcourse ( i rebuke any sugar calories )*i dont know why i have been sippin on tea lately o i think i am being influenced by kermit anyhoo, am OFF TO FIND MY CELERY STICKS TO MUNCH ON J  I’m out…

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

I HAVE A DREAM IF ONLY UNICORNS WERE REAL




I have a dream YALL
HELLO DIVAS/GENTS I am in pain very serious pain, and I am writing this post while breathing like a woman in labor. I know you’re gonna be thinking but whhhhyyy well the answer is very simple.  I am wearing a latex corset (waist cincher) all because I have decided I want a beyonce waist all. So far I have  learned that beauty is pain, you see all this stars let me mention names  j.Lo, Beyonce, Shakira, Jada Pinkett Smith and Madonna I just want to tell you guys pele ehen sorry, to be a star is not easy o biko it just occurred to be that they must constantly look good so they have to eat healthy foods chai such is life be careful what you wish for, there is a price to pay for everything as I am paying mine now.  You wanna look good?*snaps fingers* guess what honey you gotta pay the price, just wearing this by force by fire  waist cincher takes me 10 mins of holding my breath and sucking what I can in and fighting to fasten the hooks.  Just doing that  Is a workout that induces heavy breathing THAT IS TO SAY (IN CHIEF JEGEDE”S VOICE  SHOUT OUT AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU WATCHED ZEBRUDAYA BACK IN THE 90”S hehehe) this waist corset business is very odikwa risky if only they made one for the neck that restricts food  sighs lol but  I no wan die sha let us *in dame patience voice* KONTINU, if u cheat and eat more food ehen this latex corset will have the last laugh trust me the rods will stick into ur tummy and u will be uncomfortable(in kermit voice please don’t ask me how I know o.......... can I get two sugars while I sip on this tea).
 You see I  am getting ready for next summer I want to beat all this naturally slim fit girls at their game (ahah ezzzzz  it only you guys  that should be sexy ezzzzz it faaiiirrr) ennnh I’m here to join the game so yall are gonna have to scoot over. I  want to  wear a 2 piece bikini for once yall so  watch out Ms Cookie is about to step onto the scene, close your eyes for a minute  and just imagine oh yeah  I got plans baby  *shout with me* 123 FIYAAAAH  YES GAWD HONEY lol lemme stop(MY IMAGINATION IS ON FIRE LOL) WHEN I GET THIS BODY of life *points work pen  at my computer screen*  you guys you are all in trouble in fact not only you guys the world is in trouble HEHEHE eyes have not seen neither have ears heard o lol but when I arrive sha  I will be what my mother calls  ONE IN TOWN ONE NATION well under God sha . With this my new found and freshly created beyonce waist una go shock die queen eliza will have nothing on me,  my arrival at the beach that day chaiiii you see I will be walking like Naomi Campbell in goddess like motion and I will hold a small fan so my hair will be moving like Dianne Ross  (for my mind sha lol)  who knows maybe my boaz will be checking me out at beach winkwink lol nuff said can a girl dream?
P.S God it is me your dear daughter Ms Cookie  please let all junk food taste crappy in my mouth I beg of u, give me the strength of Samson I don’t want to kill lions o I just want to be able to resist junk food, and those my coworkers that love bringing junk food *ROLLS EYES* it always THE  slims ones ( after they have eaten all their salads in secret) that bring donuts, pigs in a blanket, chocolate chip cookies  you know all those tempting medemede things I like Father lord I ask you to forgive them in advance  because they do not know what they are doing, plz  inspire them to  bring fruit and vegetables only. And strengthen me  o lord,  I need to avoid all temptation ( MAKE any candy that accidently falls into my mouth bitter) while I embark on this Beyonce like waist journey and I  WILL SHAKE THIS WAIST FOR YOU IN CHURCH EHHEEEN people will be begging me to stop dancing  and saying enough o Ms cookie THE MUSIC IS OVER and last of all BLESS ANY ONE READING THIS. AMEN
DO YOU HAVE ANY PLANS OR  DREAMS  DON’T HESISTATE TO LEAVE IT IN THE COMMENT section (HONESTLY  I AM NOSY ) I WOULD REALLY LOVE TO KNOW. IT A GREAT DAY OUT THERE NO MATTER WHAT THE SITUATION IS, HAVE A FABULOUS DAY AND DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE (DON’T LET ME PULL YOUR EARS O) SMOOCHES YALL

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

THE BUSINESS OF SPEAKING IN TONGUES



HEY YALL, WHAT IT DO?
I  know I have been kind of silent , but that just me and how I deal with the popups of life  and oh yeah before I get into the swing of things I gotta give a  THANK YOU shout out to this DIVAS OF LIFE MOBY,TIBS,YOURTRULY,FREDILLA your comments were very touching and much appreciated so therefore I am sending you guys cyber hugs (very tight ones but don’t worry  I won’t crush your windpipe lol) and smooches MUUUUAAAWWW( I PROMISE I DON’T SLOBBER HEHE). And smooches of life, to anyone else that read but didn’t comment.
So why did I stop going to church as a teenager well as a child I really enjoyed going to church totally loved it and you would always find me running to choir practice in Nigeria then we moved here ( well no one went deaf with my off tunes lol I was filling in the gap ) and things changed  my parents were attending this church and as child you don’t really have a choice and my goodness the church was so disorganized it was ridiculous , they argued like market sellers at Olaleye market. So when we got there they had just brought  a minister from Nigeria to preach and lordy lord  I hate to say this but he was a hot  mess okay ( keep in mind I went to one church the whole time I lived in Nigeria from birth lol) this Pastor from Nigeria preached like he was reading my book of bible story it was just blahhh like you could tell he didn’t know any more than I did in the bible, I remember he told the story of adam and eve and MR Man was just reading the bible for almost 2 hours lol  it was freaken obvious (the congregation later discovered that he only studied theology and use the opportunity to come to the United States meaning the church entered ONE CHANCE lol )  So anyhoo the church folks decided they didn’t want him there was a division in the church those that liked him and those who didn’t. at the end of the day my parents ended up leaving that church to go to another one because they just didn’t like all that drama and this is how I started getting turned off, in fact by this time my little self was convinced that all the ministers in America were fake and all they wanted was money (no one could tell my 13 year old self otherwise).  it not like I had a choice in this matter so let me get to the koko(matter) of this story.  we went for one of those night Vigil or weekday event most churches hold and this pastor decides that anyone who wished to speak in tongue should step out, of course no one did so he came around and selected some of us I  think we were about 8 or 9  of us I  can’t remember exactly I  don’t know why he decided to select my sis and I, not that I cared at that time and particularly had no interest in speaking strange languages when I hadn’t even mastered my Yoruba lol  I was quite okay with speaking to God in good ole English. so moving on Mr. Pastor brings us to the front of the church and asks the congregation to stretch forth their hands and start praying that holy Ghost fire (I presume) should descend on us, so that is how this prayer session went on for over 30 minutes it just seemed like forever and I was waiting for this spirit that was gonna make me speak ABRACADABRA  my eyes where open and keep in mind I  knew this man was fraud ( my body was standing in the front of the church but my mind was at home sleeping under my comforter lol). I didn’t even care my younger sister was just as bored we were the only children in the group the rest were adults and their eyes were closed while they were praying for us to speak in tongues while my sister and I just kept staring at the adults in our group so we could watch who would catch the spirit first . it got to a point and  I realized that if we didn’t speak in tongues we weren’t gonna go back to sit down and Ms cookie was tired of standing o, that how this dirty idea popped in my head and  I just winked at my sister and I started with " akalagbesha jum jum jaga ekele shuma sham kish and  just  kept uttering  some rubbish words (God Forgive me for my sins lol)  o cuz lordy lord I was tired  and my legs were hurting the next thing  I know my sister started with her : gbim gbim gbosha skulabash chaka chaka, ( my people na so we continue o) and the pastor put a microphone to our lips and he was yelling praise the lord see they are speaking in tongues the spirit of the lord is upon on them I  just yimud(in my mind of course) at the man cause even I knew this was fake I just wanted to be released so I can go back to my chair and be comfortable the next thing I know to my AMAZEMENT the remaining adults all started speaking in mysterious tongues HAHAHAH(FRAUDS ALL OF THEM LOL) my eyes just popped as in what is this, at that moment i knew they were all faking lol i guess they felt the pressure that if us kids( my sister and i) can speak in tongues they better start speaking  so as not to be outdone (who wants to carry last lol). the so called man of God start yelling screaming  almost doing the splits like james brown  in front of the church saying everybody shout HALLELYAHHHHHH!!!!!he has done it, from there we went to our seats, at that moment at the tender age of 13 I knew I was done with churches  as a whole because I knew this was just fake. this same pastor whenever he put his hands on your head, will push ur head forcefully ( YOU would think mike tyson gave you a small jab on the head) so I would come ready one feet behind one forward so  I wouldn’t fall, and so did my dad because I observed him lol, meanwhile my mother will fall lol because of course she didn’t balance herself and other people will fall I guess they wanted to fall anyways as they believed it was expected. and if u didn’t fall he would give u one kind of look eeenh lol.so anyways we stopped going to that church after all his secrets came out and my parents realized he was fake, (the congregation later found out that he was enslaving some people in his home that were supposed to be in his custody he practically turned them to live in maids). So it was no surprise when I turned 18 I stopped going to church I was off legal age but with naija parent (they don’t understand legal age whaaarrus dat mean) I stylishly got a job and requested to work the 7am to 4pm shift. This continued for years and every now and then I would visit some churches, there was another one right it was an American church and I was starting to love it and then BOOM!!!!!! it happened the pastor said that God told him to plant another seed elsewhere and his wife (that woman can SANG not sing lol I am EXTRA I KNOW I mean whenever she opened her mouth it was what I imagined the angels in heaven sounded like) so they left only for the congregation to find out they took all the money in the church account because it was in their name. Maannn I took it hard I was so disappointed (it was not my money o) so I stopped going and also with the series of event taking place in my life at that point I didn’t know what to think of God and I was conflicted as to how he was letting certains happen in my life  it was so bad I didn’t even know if he really existed and of course my faith was running on zero (THE DEVIL ALWAYS TELLS LIES) and then last year happened I hit my lowest of all lows. I just had enough, I mean I just couldn’t see the light no matter how I tried it was bad bad bad, I felt hopeless and  completely broken ( the devil knows how to turn your life to rags if you let him) and watching youtube  and I came across some Billy Graham message to the world, normally I would have skipped it but something made me click on it and watched and boy ya girl was crying and decided to give her life to BIG G.O.D and guess what !!!!! LIFE HAS NEVER BEEEN BETTER. Now when I think back on all those times when I was trying to control my life I just shake my head when I could have just handed it to my everlasting BOO of LIFE G.O.D, I could have saved my self-countless worries, heartbreaks and see the good in certain situation, but anyhoo It never too late and God has shown me he is still God and I gotta tell yall THE BEST IS STILL YET TO COME YA BETTER BELIEVE IT DIVAS AND DIVOS/GENTS.
P.S I DIDN’T INTEND ON WRITING A LONG POST BUT THIS HAPPENED LOL (I WRITE LIKE I TALK)  I WROTE THE SPICE GIRLS INCIDENCE AND SOMEHOW I ACCIDENTLY  DELETED IT  DANNG!  DON’T YA JUST HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS ANYHOO YALL HAVE A FABULOUS DAY AND DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE!!

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED (BIG BROTHER RULES)






It’s 9.06AM and I am at work and I just received a text that my grandpa was gone. I was just thinking about him yesterday and hoping we would be able to get him to visit and at the same time …….THIS WAS ALL I MANAGE TO TYPE YESTERDAY I DONT KNOW WHY I STARTED TYPING AS SOON AS I READ THE TEXT MESSAGE YESTERDAY AND THEN LIKE 10 MINUTES LATER I COMPLETELY BROKE DOWN AND CRIED ( I called my mom and she was surprisingly calm (imagine o how can I cry pass her the person that lost her father, I am supposed to be the consoler but I ended been the consolee if this isn’t a word forgive me as I kill one of your brain cells) she tried to calm me down and I got excused from work. (I have to gush about my coworkers later on I’m blessed to work with such loving people) so anyhoo it suddenly dawned on me that I lost the remaining grandparent I had and because on Saturday I thought about him coming to pay a visit and thinking about sending him some cash and smiling to myself because I knew he would hand out the money like Nigerian politicians hand out rice and oil and give more than half to this his new girlfriend. I also thought about calling him but I was like naww I’m going to do that later on, and as it turns out it too late. I felt so bad and to top it off when I went to bed I felt so tensed Sunday night and didn’t sleep well at all I literally woke up anxious with my jaws hurting and I even told my coworker when I got to work that I felt so uneasy today and I didn’t know why this was at 7am Monday morning and by 9.06AM it happened. I left work (all of my coworkers gave me a hug and please don’t ever overlook the power of a hug it meant the world to me because I needed it at that moment) and went back to my hotel room and just cried and cried and fell asleep. when I woke up I started interrogating GOD Because I was like I thought we had an agreement no more deaths, as I have already proven that I don’t deal well with this and I cried some more. I also felt bad that as his first grandchild he had an opportunity to see his future great grand if GOD HAD JUST GIVEN HIM MORE TIME. I THREW A WONDERFUL WOE IS ME, WHY ME GOD PARTY FOR ONE. AND THEN BOOM!! I remembered that I promised myself that whenever something good or bad happens that I am going to be grateful to GOD and praise him regardless of how I feel and I should be grateful he went in a quick painless manner because a lot of people suffer and experience painful deaths. so I started my praise and worship jam session and I prayed and thank God for a life well lived, that he didn’t suffer, he had children, he was relatively healthy for all of his life (rarely sick) he lived to the age of 83 (we all know Nigeria’s life expectancy is around 50 something I believe) and I started feeling better. around 7pm my coworkers got off work and they decided to hang with me and dragged me to a restaurant and I had fun and they all gave me more HUGS and some even gave me double and triple hugs (what more could I have asked for) like one is not enough lol which meant the world to me it just made me feel so much better. I felt loved. so when I went back to my room I throw a party of one (well GOD AND I SHA) A WORSHIP JAM SESSION IN HONOR OF MY LATE GRANDPA till almost 2am because I couldn’t sleep and I cried a little but it made me feel a whole better and I was at peace with it. When GOD says it's time it time after all the steps of a man are directed by God and I refuse to give the devil a chance to make me sad or depressed. RIP Grandpa, I love you very much but God loves you more and say hi to Grandma for me.  (Warning o I heard there is no marriage in heaven so plz the both of you must behave yourself on this reunion REMEMBER YOU ARE NOW IN GODS PRESENSE NO KISSING UP THERE DIARIS NOW GOD AND ANGELS IN EVERYTHING BOTH OF YOU ARE DOING O HE IS WATCHING YOU WITH KOROKORO EYES NOW AND SAY WHATSUP TO MY DADDY )

Friday, August 29, 2014

THE GRATITUDE CHALLENGE GET ON IT


     

  HI Divas, and Divos/Gents so I was nominated by,Moby (CHECK HER OUT IF YOU AREN'T DON’T SLEEP ON IT) for the GRATITUDE CHALLENGE so of course I ACCEPTED. There are just so many things that I am grateful for and since I have 7 days it all good. I’ll eventually get to each one of them and touch base. Anyhoo I’m going to state the rules so we can be clear on that.
                                                             
                                                               RULES 

So for the next 7 DAYS you have to state 3 things that you are grateful for and also nominate 3 people on the first day you are challenged.

 You have 24 hours to do this by the way. (Don’t sleep on it)

 You have to take a picture of a simple pleasure you know something that makes you happy, it doesn't have to be expensive (let not get materialistic chicas no CHANNEL bags or LOUBOUTIN shoes please there is more to life than rocking designers items save it for another challenge hehe).

 Donate 5 dollars (USD) or whatever the equivalence is in your local currency within 7 days of accepting this challenge to a less privileged person or a local charity of your choice. If you decide not to this challenge then you have to donate at least 20 USD to any charity of your choice (obedience is better than sacrifice).

 I am Grateful for the gift of life because as simple as that sounds it could have been the other way for me, and when you think about the fact that not everyone who was around beginning of this year is present today.

 I am Grateful for my Family and the pure unadulterated love they show me everyday.

 I am Grateful for Folks who have shown me love on my blog post, you didn't have to but you did and that means the world to me. You have no idea how WELCOMED I feel it brings a smile to my face reading your comments, and also to the anonymous people who read without leaving a comment I say THANK YOU ALSO

 So I hereby nominate *DRUMROLLS, PLEASE* ( I know I am being so EXTRA*)
 Olufunmi Afolabi www.ladywannabeblog.blogspot.com 
Afolabi Tosyne www.tosyne101.wordpress.com. 
Destiny www.loveforlifefoodieandinspirations.blogspot.com

THE THREE NIPPLED GIRL

I lived in Nigeria as a child and I joined the Peakmilk,Milo and Garri in pillowcase crew choice. I went to this boarding school that seemed more a less like a concentration camp to me then (unwillingly of course chai I suffered no be small,gist for another day) right and things were happening. There was this Chick she was so weird she would speak to herself and answer it loudly; I mean she was constantly muttering words. So the rumor mills (our own personal boarding school CNN news crew) went around saying that this weird chick was an Ogbanje, trust that Ms Cookie had been avoiding her, in fact when she walks I give her a thousand feet and made sure she wasn’t behind me I prefer to be seeing her ogo(back of her head)in front of me before she attacks me and transfers Ogbanje spirit to me . I was deathly afraid of her if she happens to be in the bathroom taking a shower I would stand outside the bathroom and take mine there it better to have the senior boys peeping at my popcorn boobs and nonexistent booty ( FYI Gods has bless me now levels don change my cup runneth over and the booty side well I have cushioning when I sit lol) than becoming an Ogbanje member. (abeg i can’t fight a normal person talkless of someone I heard has mamiwater spirit). back to my story one Friday morning the bell rang and everyone ran to the bathroom to take our baths and then VOILA we noticed that all the girls from a certain house all had half of their hair shaved off, be it in braids, threads, abacha style(low cut) (only those sporting gorimopa were spared) a good 75 percent of their hair was all gone. They didn’t believe it so they raised their hands to their hair and alas the screams and shrieks began and lot of tears sighs!!!, so as they all returned to their rooms in shock to inform the room head who wasn’t exempt from the hair chopper they noticed that the so called Ogbanje chick’s hair was intact about 60 girls here chopped off while they were sleeping. Nah so investigation start o at 6am in the morning they checked everyone’s lockers and BOOM inside Miss Ogbanje locker was a bunch of hair CHINEKE JESUS!!! Everyone was shocked even the room head that would normally have gotten physical didn’t dare touch her. They kept asking her why she did do it. omo that was the day I that solidified my decision that I had been doing the right thing by giving SEVERAL SEATS!! SO HOME GIRL WAS MUTE FOR A LONG TIME ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE SAID SHE WAS THE QUEEN OF THE OCEAN AND SHE WAS THE MOST BEAUTITIFUL WOMAN In THE WORLD/ocean AND SHE LIVES AT THE VERY BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN AND THAT SHE HAS SUBJECTS AND GOES TO HER OCEAN PALACE EVERYNIGHT AND SHE NEEDED THE HAIR BECAUSE SHE CANT AFFORD TO HAVE PRETTY PEOPLE NEXT TO HER etc . i blocked most of what the said from my memory (WOULDN’T YOU LOL) , A BUNCH OF seniors were interrogating her but no one dared touched her o it was that day i knew that the fear of ogbanje was the begining of wisdom lol. i was so afraid i was shaking i couldn’t even stay to listen to the rest of her queenship words i quickly disappeared and thank God I was not in her room (cause nah that day my papa go come pick me no be lie o I no fit join winchiwinchi crew I cant shout,i dont want to fly at night biko )the hair was packed into plastic bags and when the HOUSE MISTRESS woke up even she didnt carry her long stick to whoop her they just told her to carry her evidence and start walking to the principal office, what did our dear principal do he simply called her parents o to come get her lol abi who no fear winchiwinchi things . Her mother showed up and started begging the Principal and they left after a couple of hours and we all gave thanks to the lord because I doubt anyone would have been able to sleep that night . ALAS 6 weeks later guess who showed up to cut grass for 6 weeks (her punishment) which she never even cut well but no one dared to approach her but me KE you trust me MS COOKIE I stayed FAR FAR FAR away from her. P.S as far as the three nipples allegations . I never got to close to her but all the girls in her room and those who had seen her naked during shower time claimed she had a third nipple lmao in the middle of her 2 normal ones and I won’t lie one time when she wore her shimmy(undergarment) I could have sworn I saw a third bump in the middle of chest but for all I know it was a mole and I imagined it because everyone said it was there but as i didn’t have ogbanje strength I no fit carry magnifying glasses to examine the queen of the coast o. I now wonder if she had schizopherenia because her objective symptoms seemed to fit that profile another P.S (forgive me) if you like hot spice then I gotta gist you guys about the SPICE GIRLS INCIDENCE.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

ABOUT ME

I hate heights esp when driving on a bridge i drive really really slow. I enjoy conversing with people well this has been made clear to me but i dont believe it lol (i"ve always been a chatter box for as long as i can remember) My favorite food is rice hands down i would definately have a rice withdrawal if i went five days without it and a birthday without rice( i shudder)omg that would be traumatic lol (i even pick my vacation spots in rice eating countries lol *grins* that how much i love it)nobody comes between my love of that grain if i could plant i would lol ( i kid u not) I am vertically challenged but hey what do we have high heels for lol, i can always pick my height look on the bright side. ( i still tower over a few people though lol thank God) i realised by age 13 i wasnt going to be a basketball player because i didnt eat my beans but dont worry i shall marry tall hehehe The first man i ever loved was and will always be my father.(he was simply the best i couldnt have asked for more or less )I am very grateful and i thank God for making him my dad even though our time together was cut short, death made us part physically but it can never steal my memories with him. I love my eyes and could probably spend a few minutes looking at them in d mirror lol and i love mirrors omg i can never just walk pass it i have to stop and look first and then keep it moving (my mother said she prayed for me as a child because she didnt understand my love for mirrors hahaha lol) I used to be a worrywart especially about things i had no control over but i have leared to lean on God. I have a thing for lipsticks, it just has a way of calling my name and i end up buying. My lipstick collection is embarrasing but i am gonna have to do something about it and resist the temptation of buying anymore since we all know the devil is a liar.... can i get a amen lol. I love my friends the few i have, since we all know quality is better than quantity cant be bothered with fake folks.#notimefordrama.

Monday, August 25, 2014

QUALITY IS BETTER THAN QUANTITY

QUALITY IS BETTER THAN QUANTITY i have to come realise that we have to be careful who we call our friends, everyone will smile in your face but sometimes you dont know what in their hearts. it life. i think there comes a time in life when you have to make changes and cut some people off it just life. Some friendships tie you down instead of moving forward DONT SETTLE FOR MEDIOCRITY. some friends are literally leeches they suck the joy out of you, if you find your self making more deposits in their lives while they keep making withdrawals it time to let go, trust me it never gets better it gets worse.if you sense a sprit of competitiveness let gooo plz, i was so blind to some of my friendships because i felt like we had been friends for ages but mannn they will eventualy show you who they are and plz divas (and divo"s or should i say gents incase i have any reading :-))drop them like it hot. if they are never happy for you or always have something negative to say about something you are happy about kick them to the curb... i learned that the hardway but when i let it go. boy o boy was i relieved. it felt like a ton of breaks were off my shoulder i dont know what i was thinking NURTURING such a relationship wth such a toxic individual perphaps i was blind to a lot and not really paying attenttion. one of the friends i let of was just wierd whenever i bought something she would go and buy the exact same thing and hide it, and my thing is come on that why stores make than one so we can all have one why hide it?????, another example we would go shopping and she would pick something cute and i am like hey where did u get that from and homegurl will point me to another section of the store knowing fully well it not in that area, i mean like what in heavens is wrong with her.. it just made me uncomfortable. (thank you GOD FOR DISCERNEMNT)

Monday, August 11, 2014

RIP ROBIN WILLIAMS. Mrs Doubtfire

OMG, i was just in shock when i read the news and robin williams was really gone. it just so sad, depression is a terrible disease i have been there, but i am grateful i made it. it crazy to hear people say it a white mans disease i had to educate one of my friends and let her know that was an ignorant statement.anyone can suffer from it regardless of color, no one is immune. to think this man had it all,(or so we think) it just proved money never buys happiness. A lot of people bring smiles to our faces or appear to look happy, yet we never know their inner struggles. life is so hard,but we have to just keep trying and put our best foot out, everyday is a new day.( i'm typing this in complete shock).

Friday, August 8, 2014

New Season, New Perspective

Gosh it been so long and a lot has changed in my life. last year was a rough dark year for me but i thank GOD that i made it because if not for him i dont know if i would be around today. depression is a terrible disease it literally sucks all the joy out of your life. ( even as i type this tears run down my face but joyful ones) i am just so grateful that my state of mind is happy. last year i was so stressed out, unhappy, in toxic friendships,baggage of previous failed relationships, anxious, i hated the job i had, i just wasnt happy no matter how i tried, i just couldnt shake the darkness out of my life. I quit my job and decided to do something else because the thought of going in was so depressing (Never work for money do something you enjoy). it was so bad that july 3rd i really thought i shoud just end it because i was tired of feeling tired (if that makes any sense)and i cried everyday, i wasnt sleeping well at night, i barely came out of my room just to shower, drink water, use the bathroom and i spent most of the time in the room, with my curtains shut. i didnt even let the sun in. the only thing that stopped me that night was that if i committed suicide i would never make heaven and see my father again and he would be so dissapointed in my actions and i would let my family down. i woke up the next morning to find out that a nigerian girl in the UK commited suicide she actually went through with it unlike me, i just started crying that morning because that was almost me. no matter how i tried i just couldnt see things changing it was just a culmination of a lot of unresolved things going on in my life. i never thought i would be depressed i mean sure life is not easy and i have been through somethings but i just never imagined i would exprience it and it so hard because i shut a lot of people out but i give GOD ALL THE GLORY. i feel like my self now i have a new leash on life and infact so much has changed. GOD has been good to me this year. this year is my year of restoration i cant believe i am finally happy, it might be hard to comprehend for anyone who has never suffered from depression. as much as i wanted to blog last year i just couldnt because i had nothing happy to talk about and i am of the opinion that life is hard enough i shouldnt add more too it hence why stopped blogging and i am not one to pretend to blog about rosy things when things arent pretty. all in all GOD IS ALWAYS FAITHFUL AND I REalised THAT we are never alone even in the midst of it all he is always there we just have to let him in (help me sing 'praise is what i do' shekinah glory"). i give GOD THE glory and praise him in all my circumstances he has never let me down. p.s : i apologize in advance if there are any typos i was in a rush and just wanted to share this :-)