Wednesday, September 17, 2014


I have a dream YALL
HELLO DIVAS/GENTS I am in pain very serious pain, and I am writing this post while breathing like a woman in labor. I know you’re gonna be thinking but whhhhyyy well the answer is very simple.  I am wearing a latex corset (waist cincher) all because I have decided I want a beyonce waist all. So far I have  learned that beauty is pain, you see all this stars let me mention names  j.Lo, Beyonce, Shakira, Jada Pinkett Smith and Madonna I just want to tell you guys pele ehen sorry, to be a star is not easy o biko it just occurred to be that they must constantly look good so they have to eat healthy foods chai such is life be careful what you wish for, there is a price to pay for everything as I am paying mine now.  You wanna look good?*snaps fingers* guess what honey you gotta pay the price, just wearing this by force by fire  waist cincher takes me 10 mins of holding my breath and sucking what I can in and fighting to fasten the hooks.  Just doing that  Is a workout that induces heavy breathing THAT IS TO SAY (IN CHIEF JEGEDE”S VOICE  SHOUT OUT AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU WATCHED ZEBRUDAYA BACK IN THE 90”S hehehe) this waist corset business is very odikwa risky if only they made one for the neck that restricts food  sighs lol but  I no wan die sha let us *in dame patience voice* KONTINU, if u cheat and eat more food ehen this latex corset will have the last laugh trust me the rods will stick into ur tummy and u will be uncomfortable(in kermit voice please don’t ask me how I know o.......... can I get two sugars while I sip on this tea).
 You see I  am getting ready for next summer I want to beat all this naturally slim fit girls at their game (ahah ezzzzz  it only you guys  that should be sexy ezzzzz it faaiiirrr) ennnh I’m here to join the game so yall are gonna have to scoot over. I  want to  wear a 2 piece bikini for once yall so  watch out Ms Cookie is about to step onto the scene, close your eyes for a minute  and just imagine oh yeah  I got plans baby  *shout with me* 123 FIYAAAAH  YES GAWD HONEY lol lemme stop(MY IMAGINATION IS ON FIRE LOL) WHEN I GET THIS BODY of life *points work pen  at my computer screen*  you guys you are all in trouble in fact not only you guys the world is in trouble HEHEHE eyes have not seen neither have ears heard o lol but when I arrive sha  I will be what my mother calls  ONE IN TOWN ONE NATION well under God sha . With this my new found and freshly created beyonce waist una go shock die queen eliza will have nothing on me,  my arrival at the beach that day chaiiii you see I will be walking like Naomi Campbell in goddess like motion and I will hold a small fan so my hair will be moving like Dianne Ross  (for my mind sha lol)  who knows maybe my boaz will be checking me out at beach winkwink lol nuff said can a girl dream?
P.S God it is me your dear daughter Ms Cookie  please let all junk food taste crappy in my mouth I beg of u, give me the strength of Samson I don’t want to kill lions o I just want to be able to resist junk food, and those my coworkers that love bringing junk food *ROLLS EYES* it always THE  slims ones ( after they have eaten all their salads in secret) that bring donuts, pigs in a blanket, chocolate chip cookies  you know all those tempting medemede things I like Father lord I ask you to forgive them in advance  because they do not know what they are doing, plz  inspire them to  bring fruit and vegetables only. And strengthen me  o lord,  I need to avoid all temptation ( MAKE any candy that accidently falls into my mouth bitter) while I embark on this Beyonce like waist journey and I  WILL SHAKE THIS WAIST FOR YOU IN CHURCH EHHEEEN people will be begging me to stop dancing  and saying enough o Ms cookie THE MUSIC IS OVER and last of all BLESS ANY ONE READING THIS. AMEN

Wednesday, September 10, 2014


I  know I have been kind of silent , but that just me and how I deal with the popups of life  and oh yeah before I get into the swing of things I gotta give a  THANK YOU shout out to this DIVAS OF LIFE MOBY,TIBS,YOURTRULY,FREDILLA your comments were very touching and much appreciated so therefore I am sending you guys cyber hugs (very tight ones but don’t worry  I won’t crush your windpipe lol) and smooches MUUUUAAAWWW( I PROMISE I DON’T SLOBBER HEHE). And smooches of life, to anyone else that read but didn’t comment.
So why did I stop going to church as a teenager well as a child I really enjoyed going to church totally loved it and you would always find me running to choir practice in Nigeria then we moved here ( well no one went deaf with my off tunes lol I was filling in the gap ) and things changed  my parents were attending this church and as child you don’t really have a choice and my goodness the church was so disorganized it was ridiculous , they argued like market sellers at Olaleye market. So when we got there they had just brought  a minister from Nigeria to preach and lordy lord  I hate to say this but he was a hot  mess okay ( keep in mind I went to one church the whole time I lived in Nigeria from birth lol) this Pastor from Nigeria preached like he was reading my book of bible story it was just blahhh like you could tell he didn’t know any more than I did in the bible, I remember he told the story of adam and eve and MR Man was just reading the bible for almost 2 hours lol  it was freaken obvious (the congregation later discovered that he only studied theology and use the opportunity to come to the United States meaning the church entered ONE CHANCE lol )  So anyhoo the church folks decided they didn’t want him there was a division in the church those that liked him and those who didn’t. at the end of the day my parents ended up leaving that church to go to another one because they just didn’t like all that drama and this is how I started getting turned off, in fact by this time my little self was convinced that all the ministers in America were fake and all they wanted was money (no one could tell my 13 year old self otherwise).  it not like I had a choice in this matter so let me get to the koko(matter) of this story.  we went for one of those night Vigil or weekday event most churches hold and this pastor decides that anyone who wished to speak in tongue should step out, of course no one did so he came around and selected some of us I  think we were about 8 or 9  of us I  can’t remember exactly I  don’t know why he decided to select my sis and I, not that I cared at that time and particularly had no interest in speaking strange languages when I hadn’t even mastered my Yoruba lol  I was quite okay with speaking to God in good ole English. so moving on Mr. Pastor brings us to the front of the church and asks the congregation to stretch forth their hands and start praying that holy Ghost fire (I presume) should descend on us, so that is how this prayer session went on for over 30 minutes it just seemed like forever and I was waiting for this spirit that was gonna make me speak ABRACADABRA  my eyes where open and keep in mind I  knew this man was fraud ( my body was standing in the front of the church but my mind was at home sleeping under my comforter lol). I didn’t even care my younger sister was just as bored we were the only children in the group the rest were adults and their eyes were closed while they were praying for us to speak in tongues while my sister and I just kept staring at the adults in our group so we could watch who would catch the spirit first . it got to a point and  I realized that if we didn’t speak in tongues we weren’t gonna go back to sit down and Ms cookie was tired of standing o, that how this dirty idea popped in my head and  I just winked at my sister and I started with " akalagbesha jum jum jaga ekele shuma sham kish and  just  kept uttering  some rubbish words (God Forgive me for my sins lol)  o cuz lordy lord I was tired  and my legs were hurting the next thing  I know my sister started with her : gbim gbim gbosha skulabash chaka chaka, ( my people na so we continue o) and the pastor put a microphone to our lips and he was yelling praise the lord see they are speaking in tongues the spirit of the lord is upon on them I  just yimud(in my mind of course) at the man cause even I knew this was fake I just wanted to be released so I can go back to my chair and be comfortable the next thing I know to my AMAZEMENT the remaining adults all started speaking in mysterious tongues HAHAHAH(FRAUDS ALL OF THEM LOL) my eyes just popped as in what is this, at that moment i knew they were all faking lol i guess they felt the pressure that if us kids( my sister and i) can speak in tongues they better start speaking  so as not to be outdone (who wants to carry last lol). the so called man of God start yelling screaming  almost doing the splits like james brown  in front of the church saying everybody shout HALLELYAHHHHHH!!!!!he has done it, from there we went to our seats, at that moment at the tender age of 13 I knew I was done with churches  as a whole because I knew this was just fake. this same pastor whenever he put his hands on your head, will push ur head forcefully ( YOU would think mike tyson gave you a small jab on the head) so I would come ready one feet behind one forward so  I wouldn’t fall, and so did my dad because I observed him lol, meanwhile my mother will fall lol because of course she didn’t balance herself and other people will fall I guess they wanted to fall anyways as they believed it was expected. and if u didn’t fall he would give u one kind of look eeenh anyways we stopped going to that church after all his secrets came out and my parents realized he was fake, (the congregation later found out that he was enslaving some people in his home that were supposed to be in his custody he practically turned them to live in maids). So it was no surprise when I turned 18 I stopped going to church I was off legal age but with naija parent (they don’t understand legal age whaaarrus dat mean) I stylishly got a job and requested to work the 7am to 4pm shift. This continued for years and every now and then I would visit some churches, there was another one right it was an American church and I was starting to love it and then BOOM!!!!!! it happened the pastor said that God told him to plant another seed elsewhere and his wife (that woman can SANG not sing lol I am EXTRA I KNOW I mean whenever she opened her mouth it was what I imagined the angels in heaven sounded like) so they left only for the congregation to find out they took all the money in the church account because it was in their name. Maannn I took it hard I was so disappointed (it was not my money o) so I stopped going and also with the series of event taking place in my life at that point I didn’t know what to think of God and I was conflicted as to how he was letting certains happen in my life  it was so bad I didn’t even know if he really existed and of course my faith was running on zero (THE DEVIL ALWAYS TELLS LIES) and then last year happened I hit my lowest of all lows. I just had enough, I mean I just couldn’t see the light no matter how I tried it was bad bad bad, I felt hopeless and  completely broken ( the devil knows how to turn your life to rags if you let him) and watching youtube  and I came across some Billy Graham message to the world, normally I would have skipped it but something made me click on it and watched and boy ya girl was crying and decided to give her life to BIG G.O.D and guess what !!!!! LIFE HAS NEVER BEEEN BETTER. Now when I think back on all those times when I was trying to control my life I just shake my head when I could have just handed it to my everlasting BOO of LIFE G.O.D, I could have saved my self-countless worries, heartbreaks and see the good in certain situation, but anyhoo It never too late and God has shown me he is still God and I gotta tell yall THE BEST IS STILL YET TO COME YA BETTER BELIEVE IT DIVAS AND DIVOS/GENTS.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014


It’s 9.06AM and I am at work and I just received a text that my grandpa was gone. I was just thinking about him yesterday and hoping we would be able to get him to visit and at the same time …….THIS WAS ALL I MANAGE TO TYPE YESTERDAY I DONT KNOW WHY I STARTED TYPING AS SOON AS I READ THE TEXT MESSAGE YESTERDAY AND THEN LIKE 10 MINUTES LATER I COMPLETELY BROKE DOWN AND CRIED ( I called my mom and she was surprisingly calm (imagine o how can I cry pass her the person that lost her father, I am supposed to be the consoler but I ended been the consolee if this isn’t a word forgive me as I kill one of your brain cells) she tried to calm me down and I got excused from work. (I have to gush about my coworkers later on I’m blessed to work with such loving people) so anyhoo it suddenly dawned on me that I lost the remaining grandparent I had and because on Saturday I thought about him coming to pay a visit and thinking about sending him some cash and smiling to myself because I knew he would hand out the money like Nigerian politicians hand out rice and oil and give more than half to this his new girlfriend. I also thought about calling him but I was like naww I’m going to do that later on, and as it turns out it too late. I felt so bad and to top it off when I went to bed I felt so tensed Sunday night and didn’t sleep well at all I literally woke up anxious with my jaws hurting and I even told my coworker when I got to work that I felt so uneasy today and I didn’t know why this was at 7am Monday morning and by 9.06AM it happened. I left work (all of my coworkers gave me a hug and please don’t ever overlook the power of a hug it meant the world to me because I needed it at that moment) and went back to my hotel room and just cried and cried and fell asleep. when I woke up I started interrogating GOD Because I was like I thought we had an agreement no more deaths, as I have already proven that I don’t deal well with this and I cried some more. I also felt bad that as his first grandchild he had an opportunity to see his future great grand if GOD HAD JUST GIVEN HIM MORE TIME. I THREW A WONDERFUL WOE IS ME, WHY ME GOD PARTY FOR ONE. AND THEN BOOM!! I remembered that I promised myself that whenever something good or bad happens that I am going to be grateful to GOD and praise him regardless of how I feel and I should be grateful he went in a quick painless manner because a lot of people suffer and experience painful deaths. so I started my praise and worship jam session and I prayed and thank God for a life well lived, that he didn’t suffer, he had children, he was relatively healthy for all of his life (rarely sick) he lived to the age of 83 (we all know Nigeria’s life expectancy is around 50 something I believe) and I started feeling better. around 7pm my coworkers got off work and they decided to hang with me and dragged me to a restaurant and I had fun and they all gave me more HUGS and some even gave me double and triple hugs (what more could I have asked for) like one is not enough lol which meant the world to me it just made me feel so much better. I felt loved. so when I went back to my room I throw a party of one (well GOD AND I SHA) A WORSHIP JAM SESSION IN HONOR OF MY LATE GRANDPA till almost 2am because I couldn’t sleep and I cried a little but it made me feel a whole better and I was at peace with it. When GOD says it's time it time after all the steps of a man are directed by God and I refuse to give the devil a chance to make me sad or depressed. RIP Grandpa, I love you very much but God loves you more and say hi to Grandma for me.  (Warning o I heard there is no marriage in heaven so plz the both of you must behave yourself on this reunion REMEMBER YOU ARE NOW IN GODS PRESENSE NO KISSING UP THERE DIARIS NOW GOD AND ANGELS IN EVERYTHING BOTH OF YOU ARE DOING O HE IS WATCHING YOU WITH KOROKORO EYES NOW AND SAY WHATSUP TO MY DADDY )