Friday, January 1, 2016

HOLY COMMUNION SAGA, TASTING JESUS AT ALL COST





EVER WONDERED WHAT JESUS TASTED LIKE???? AND NO I AM NOT A VAMPIRE LOL 


          HI BLOGVILLE, I know it being a while and i owe you all a ROBUST explanation and apology for just disappearing on y'all like that so here it is MSCOOKIE IS DEEPLY SORRY Y'ALL. A lot happened and it just kinda became to much for me to handle so i just pretty much laid low for the most part and tried to put my life together ( i might share it later on), and i didn't wanna start writing about sad things. but with that said i wish you all a HAPPY NEW YEAR and please accept my apology ( I BEG UNA).....

LET DIVE IN. Flash back..... stick with me okay u gotta know the history before i go to the main story

 
 FIRST SCENARIO.......ESTIMATED AGE PROBABLY 6 or 7, LOCATION CHURCH......    
       THE  church pianist plays the organ and AND THE Reverend gets the blood of Jesus and his flesh ready (holy communion but i heard the reverend call it the body of Christ as he hands it out) and every member goes up to the altar kneels down and MS cookie is watching and wondering if Jesus came down the night before with a sharp knife to cut off his white skin and drain his blood in the silver cup so all the members of the church can taste him and wondering if he was in pain and what he tasted like... my mom goes up and receives the body of Christ solemnly come back quietly. my sister and i nudge her and say "mommy what does it taste like , open your mouth let see" but MAMA COOKIE ignores her pestering children and continues to observe the service. ms cookie watches her mothers mouth to see if she chews but she doesn't and is thinking to herself ONE DAY ONE DAY I WILL TASTE JESUS MYSELF.

 SECOND SCENARIO... FEW WEEKS LATER..... 
       MS COOKIE opens the refrigerator at home and sees a packet that says holy communion and ask her father what is this. and Baba Cookie says don't open it o, it is not biscuit please it for holy communion in church. ms cookie says okay and observes the blue package, shaking and trying to see if the flesh of Christ could be seen but the package was opaque. ms cookie thought about opening but decided Jesus may not be too happy and wondered if Jesus had that many parts of his flesh to cut up and put in stores for daddy to buy. A few days later Baba cookie took it to church but that Sunday Ms Cookie was ready. after church ms cookie and her sister walks up to BabACHURCH(THAT WAS HIS NAME HE WAS THE SEXTON, WE LITERALLY PESTERED HIS LIFE LOL BUT I KNOW HE LOVED US, RIP BABA CHURCH ) AND ASK if there was left over IN THE SILVER CUPS and he says "OOH GOD U THIS CHILDREN AGAIN WHERE IS YOUR FATHER DON'T DISTURB MY LIFE O, TODAY THAT I THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE PEACE SINCE YOU NOT GOING TO CLIMBING THE MANGOE TREE TODAY YOU HAVE COME AGAIN AHAH". BABA CHURCH PROCEEDS TO LET US KNOW THE TRAY WAS EMPTY AND CUP WERE EMPTY, WE POINTED TO THE BOTTLE AND HE SAID THERE WAS A LIL BIT LEFT, MS COOKIE AND HER SISTER STARTS CRYING HYSTERICALLY AND WAILING " WE WANT TO TASTE JESUS NOW NOW NOW" AND BABA CHURCH EXASPERATED, WENT TO ASK MY FATHER WHO WAS INVOLVED IN A CHURCH MEETING IF HE COULD GIVE US A TASTE AND MY FATHER WAVED HIM AWAY SAYING LET THEM HAVE IT ( I DOUBT HE REALLY HEARD THE SEXTON). MY SISTER AND I HAD A TASTE OF THIS BLOOD BUT IT TASTE WEIRD... ABOUT AN HOUR LATER WE WERE WRITHING LIKE WORMS ON THE CHURCH CHAIR WITH STOMACH ACHES IN TEARS  LESSON LEARNED WE STOPPED CRAVING THE BLOOD OF  JESUS FOR A WHILE BUT THE FLESH OF JESUS REMAINED ON MY MIND.... AFTER ALL MY FATHER SAID I HAD TO TAKE THE CLASS WHEN I WAS OLD ENOUGH AND IT SEEMED I WOULD NEED TO GROW TALL AND HAVE BOOBS TO ATTEND THIS CLASS AT OUR CHURCH SIGHS (I KNEW IT MEANT A COUPLE MORE YEARS). BUT MEANWHILE I WAS READY FOR THE FLESH OF JESUS CHRIST LIKE A CAGED LION READY TO POUNCE ON A PREY.

 THIRD SCENARIO, LOCATION BOARDING SCHOOL AGE 12...
           AT THIS POINT LOL I RARELY WENT TO CHURCH( I WAS BAD YALL) , MY GOODNESS IN FACT I CHANGED RELIGION AT WHIM TO WHATEVER SUITED ME IF THE CHURCH WAS BEING CLEANED I TOLD PEOPLE I WAS MOSLEM, WHEN IT WAS THE CATHOLICS TURN TO CLEAN THE CHURCH I COULD BECOME PROTESTANT OR MUSLIM IT JUST REALLY DEPENDED ON WHAT SUITED ME AT THE MOMENT ( ONE TIME A SENIOR ASKED HOW I WAS ABLE TO BE CATHOLIC, PROSTESTANT AND MUSLIM AND I TOLD HER WE HAD ALL THREE IN MY FAMILY WHICH WAS TRUE LOL,) AND ALSO THE BEST RICE WAS SERVED ON SUNDAY.. JOLLOF AND I KNEW GOD WOULD FORGIVE ME BECAUSE I  NEEDED TO EAT TO SURVIVE AFTERALL I SKIPPED BEANS AND EKO (CORN MEAL) DAYS AND I KNEW MY DEAR LORD WOULDNT WANT TO DEPRIVE ME OF MY FAVORITE FOOD I MEAN HECK I BARELY WEIGHED 80 POUNDS SOAKING WET( U GOTTA REMEMBER HOW I FEEL ABOUT RICE NOW,  I REALLY LOVE RICE INFACT IM SURE THERE IS A RICE IN HEAVEN BUT THAT ANOTHER TOPIC FOR ANOTHER DAY LOL BUT BEST BELIEVE I WASNT ABOUT TO MISS THAT FOR ANYTHING) BY MY 3RD YEAR I DECIDED TO START ATTEND THE CATHOLIC SERVICE WITH ONE OF MY FRIENDS AND I REALLY LOVED THEIR SONGS IT WAS DIFFERENT FROM THE PROTESTANT SERVICE AND A LOT SHORTER( JUST 2 HOURS ) AND I COULD STILL GO BACK TO MY DORM ON TIME TO CATCH THE TANKER MAN WHEN HE DELIVERED WATER(SO U DONT HAVE TO SCRAPE THE RESERVOIR WITH A SPOON WHILE A FRIEND HOLDS U LEGS SO YOU DONT FALL IN) AND NOT MISS SUNDAY RICE. SO I FIGURED IT WAS A WIN WIN SITUATION, NICE SONGS, SHORT SERVICE, SUNDAY RICE GUARANTEED WHY THE HECK NOT... SO ANYHOO ONE DAY DURING CHURCH SERVICE IT WAS ANNOUNCED THAT THEY WOULD HAVE HOLY COMMUNION CLASSES( I CANT REMEMBER WHAT IT CALLED BUT IT HAD A NAME) TRUST ME I WAS FIRST TO SIGN UP BUT I HAD AN AGENDA I WOULD FINALLY TASTE THIS FLESH OF JESUS AND DRINK THE BLOOD OF CHRIST THAT HAD ELUDED ME,  FINALLY FINALLY ME JESUS WE WOULD FACE EACH OTHER, I GO CHOP AM... I ATTENDED ALL THE CLASSES RELIGIOULY FOR 3 WEEKS I STUDIED VERY WELL (FUNNY BECAUSE I DIDNT READ ANYTHING ELSE APART FROM NOVELS IN PREP BUT SHHHH DONT LET MY MOTHER KNOW) BECAUSE MY GOODNESS I HAD NO PLANS OF MISSING OUT AND I COULDNT WAIT TO GO HOME ON VACATION AND SHOW MY DAD MY CERTIFICATE AND FINALLY PARTAKE OF  THIS DELICIOUS BODY OF CHRIST BEING DIVIDED AT MY LOCAL CHURCH I WAS READY TO TASTE AND CHEW HIM LOL BUT TRUST ME AND BELIVE THAT I PASSED THE CLASS WITH FLYING COLORS..AND I AWAITED THE TASTE GHEN GHEN GHEN. I WENT TO SLEEP THE DAY BEFORE THE SERVICE IMAGINING WHAT JESUS TASTED LIKE .....MY TIME WAS ALMOST HERE JESUS NA ME AND YOU TODAY, U CANT EXCAPE, READY OR NOT HERE I COME
                                                               
 SUNDAY D DAY... LOCATION CHURCH, AGE 12: I WOKE UP THAT SUNDAY WITH THE MOTHER OF ALL HEADACHES AND MALARIA,  I KNEW THE DEVIL WAS AT WORK....MY GOODNESS I NEVER HESSPERITED THIS LEVEL OF SICKNESS EVER IN MY 12 YEARS OF AGE. I COULDN'T EVEN GET UP OFF MY BUNK BED BUT NAAAAH I COULDNT BE STOPPED. MY BEST FRIEND HELPED ME GET READY FOR CHURCH THAT DAY SHE LITERALLY PUT MY CLOTHES ON   ( WHEN I SHOULD HAVE JUST GONE TO THE CLINIC) WHEN IT WAS TIME TO GO I COULD BARELY WALK. BUT MY 2 BEST FRIENDS KEPT ASKING COOKIE ARE U SURE I WAS LIKE I HAVE TO TAKE HOLY COMMUNION IF NOT I WOULD HAVE TO WAIT TILL NEXT YEAR AND IN MY MIND I WOULD BE CRAZY TO MISS THE BODY PART OF CHRIST BEING SERVED TODAY LAILAI OVER MY DEAD BODY , I WAS LIKE LOOK SUPPORT ME ON BOTH SIDES AND TAKE MY THERE, SO I LEANED ON MY FRIENDS AND THEY MANAGED TO DRAG AND AT SOME POINT CARRY ME, I MADE IT TO CHURCH... SO BY THIS TIME THE PRIEST WAS READY TO CALL US TO COME FORWARD I GOT UP AND I COULD FEEL MYSELF FALLING BACKWARDS BUT I WAS DETERMINED I TOLD MYSELF ALL MY LIFE I HAVE WAITED ( YES AT THAT TIME 12 YEARS SEEMED LIKE I HAD LIVED FOREVER OKKKAAAY LOL) I LEANED ON THE CHAIR AND SOMEHOW MADE IT TO THE FRONT OF THE CHURCH MEANWHILE I WAS DIZZY AS HECK I COULD BARELY SEE, MY HEAD WAS POUNDING,THE CHURCH WAS SPINNING, I REALLY COULDN'T HEAR WHAT HE WAS SAYING AND MY LEGS WERE UNSTABLE BUT I JUST KEPT TELLING MYSELF ONCE U EAT JESUS THEN U CAN GO TO THE CLINIC AND WHO KNOWS I MIGHT BE HEALED .. AT SOME POINT I STOPPED HEARING THE PRIEST I WAS TOO WEAK, AND I COULDN'T BREATHE AND I WAS GOING FORWARD AND BACKWARDS TRYING TO MAINTAIN MY BALANCE... MY TURN CAME, I OPENED MY MOUTH TO RECEIVE MY PORTION OF THIS LONG AWAITED BODY OF CHRIST AND ALAS!!!!!!!! I WAS SHOCKED IT LOOKED LIKE A ROUND FLAT WAFER ( I AM NOT SURE IF I EXPECTED REAL FLESH OR FRIED MEAT KINDA THING LOL ) AND IT STARTED MELTING IN MY MOUTH( I HAD THIS SECRET PLAN OF STORING IT IN MY MOUTH AND BRINGING IT OUT TO OBSERVE LATER ON WHEN NO ONE WAS LOOKING) AND BY THE TIME I RECEIVED THE BLOOD OF JESUS I DIDN'T KNOW IF I SHOULD START CRYING LOL IT WAS RIBENA MS COOKIE HAS BEEN DUPED!!!!!!! TEARS DID FALL FROM MY EYES BUT I THINK IT WAS DUE TO THE MALARIA LMAO BUT I HAD NO STRENGTH I NEEDED ALL MY STRENGTH TO KEEP UP RIGHT AND STAND... AS IT MELTED I SWALLOWED IN EXTREME DISAPPOINTMENT AND SHOCK THINKING SO THIS IS IT. JESUS TASTE LIKE A TASTELESS WAFER AND BLACK CURRANT DRINK, I WAS STILL UPSET AND THINKING WHEN A FEW SECONDS LATER SOMETHING HAPPENED JUST GUESS....... I THREW UP IN CHURCH DURING HOLY COMMUNION SERVICE AND ALL MY PARTS OF JESUS THAT I HAD WAITED ALL 12 YEARS OF MY ENTIRE LIFE FOR WAS ON THE FLOOR MIXED WITH A MIXTURE OF GARI AND CORNFLAKES FROM THE NIGHT BEFORE, AND THEN I HAD TO BE CARRIED OUT OF CHURCH STRAIGHT TO THE CLINIC IMAGINE!!!!!!!!!!ALL MY HARDWORK WENT DOWN THE DRAIN AND FRET NOT MY FRIENDS BROUGHT ME MY CERTIFICATE  WHILE I WAS ADMITTED TO THE SCHOOL CLINIC.  I HUGGED MY LICENSE TO TASTE JESUS OVER AND OVER FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE TIGHTLY AND KEPT IT JUST IN CASE SOMEONE TRIED TO STEAL MY JESUS TASTING LICENSE... IN MY MIND I WAS LIKE YUP I'M GONNA SHOW DADDY, AND FINALLY TASTE THE REAL FLESH AND BLOOD OF JESUS CHRIST AT MY CHURCH WHENEVER I GO HOME. I WAS NEVER ONE TO GIVE UP.......

  FEW WEEKS LATER.. LOCATION:HOME....... 
 "DADDY,DADDY GUESS WHAT I AM RECEIVING HOLY COMMUNION NEXT TIME, HERE IS MY CERTIFICATE". BABA COOKIE: " LET ME SEE" HE OBSERVES AND SAYS "OH THAT NICE I WILL KEEP THIS AND MEANWHILE YOU WILL RETAKE IT WHEN U ARE MUCH OLDER AND KNOW THE IMPORTANCE" MS COOKIE LOOKED DEFEATED..... ENDS SCENE......
 
    PERHAPS THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TAKE HOLY COMMUNION FOR THE WRONG REASONS  LOL

     P.S: I WROTE THIS IN A RUSH PLZ EXCUSE ANY TYPOS AND MISSING PUNTUATIONS AND CAPITAL LETTERS.. SMOOCHES YALL AND ONCE AGAIN PLEASE FIND IT IN YOUR HEART TO FORGIVE ME.MAY GOD GRANT US OUR HEART DESIRES THIS NEW YEAR.LOVE YALL,AND ONCE AGAIN  HAPPY NEW YEARS LOVER'S

5 comments:

  1. Ms Cookie na you be this! Oya come and receive twenty strokes of cane.
    This really made me laugh!

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    Replies
    1. Lol yup it me. I'm glad it made you laugh happy new year love Smooches.

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  2. You have such a sense of innocent humor Lol. Enjoyed reading and getting in your head as a kid.

    We were really concerned about you Ms. cookie, please don't disappear on us like that without warning again :-) Welcome back though. Glad to read from you again.

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  3. I can't believe that someone this talented is running away from blogging. Cookie you had me hooked to the end. I actually was smiling and laughing through out. Please come back o..ehnn ehn. We miss you. Happy new year bubba

    www.mylifeasmoby.com

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  4. Please i'm not appeased jare. Do you know how many times i came checking *i was worried sick? Maybe another one of these stories will appease me sha *Nose in the air*

    P.S: Good to see you back girl

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