Wednesday, September 10, 2014

THE BUSINESS OF SPEAKING IN TONGUES



HEY YALL, WHAT IT DO?
I  know I have been kind of silent , but that just me and how I deal with the popups of life  and oh yeah before I get into the swing of things I gotta give a  THANK YOU shout out to this DIVAS OF LIFE MOBY,TIBS,YOURTRULY,FREDILLA your comments were very touching and much appreciated so therefore I am sending you guys cyber hugs (very tight ones but don’t worry  I won’t crush your windpipe lol) and smooches MUUUUAAAWWW( I PROMISE I DON’T SLOBBER HEHE). And smooches of life, to anyone else that read but didn’t comment.
So why did I stop going to church as a teenager well as a child I really enjoyed going to church totally loved it and you would always find me running to choir practice in Nigeria then we moved here ( well no one went deaf with my off tunes lol I was filling in the gap ) and things changed  my parents were attending this church and as child you don’t really have a choice and my goodness the church was so disorganized it was ridiculous , they argued like market sellers at Olaleye market. So when we got there they had just brought  a minister from Nigeria to preach and lordy lord  I hate to say this but he was a hot  mess okay ( keep in mind I went to one church the whole time I lived in Nigeria from birth lol) this Pastor from Nigeria preached like he was reading my book of bible story it was just blahhh like you could tell he didn’t know any more than I did in the bible, I remember he told the story of adam and eve and MR Man was just reading the bible for almost 2 hours lol  it was freaken obvious (the congregation later discovered that he only studied theology and use the opportunity to come to the United States meaning the church entered ONE CHANCE lol )  So anyhoo the church folks decided they didn’t want him there was a division in the church those that liked him and those who didn’t. at the end of the day my parents ended up leaving that church to go to another one because they just didn’t like all that drama and this is how I started getting turned off, in fact by this time my little self was convinced that all the ministers in America were fake and all they wanted was money (no one could tell my 13 year old self otherwise).  it not like I had a choice in this matter so let me get to the koko(matter) of this story.  we went for one of those night Vigil or weekday event most churches hold and this pastor decides that anyone who wished to speak in tongue should step out, of course no one did so he came around and selected some of us I  think we were about 8 or 9  of us I  can’t remember exactly I  don’t know why he decided to select my sis and I, not that I cared at that time and particularly had no interest in speaking strange languages when I hadn’t even mastered my Yoruba lol  I was quite okay with speaking to God in good ole English. so moving on Mr. Pastor brings us to the front of the church and asks the congregation to stretch forth their hands and start praying that holy Ghost fire (I presume) should descend on us, so that is how this prayer session went on for over 30 minutes it just seemed like forever and I was waiting for this spirit that was gonna make me speak ABRACADABRA  my eyes where open and keep in mind I  knew this man was fraud ( my body was standing in the front of the church but my mind was at home sleeping under my comforter lol). I didn’t even care my younger sister was just as bored we were the only children in the group the rest were adults and their eyes were closed while they were praying for us to speak in tongues while my sister and I just kept staring at the adults in our group so we could watch who would catch the spirit first . it got to a point and  I realized that if we didn’t speak in tongues we weren’t gonna go back to sit down and Ms cookie was tired of standing o, that how this dirty idea popped in my head and  I just winked at my sister and I started with " akalagbesha jum jum jaga ekele shuma sham kish and  just  kept uttering  some rubbish words (God Forgive me for my sins lol)  o cuz lordy lord I was tired  and my legs were hurting the next thing  I know my sister started with her : gbim gbim gbosha skulabash chaka chaka, ( my people na so we continue o) and the pastor put a microphone to our lips and he was yelling praise the lord see they are speaking in tongues the spirit of the lord is upon on them I  just yimud(in my mind of course) at the man cause even I knew this was fake I just wanted to be released so I can go back to my chair and be comfortable the next thing I know to my AMAZEMENT the remaining adults all started speaking in mysterious tongues HAHAHAH(FRAUDS ALL OF THEM LOL) my eyes just popped as in what is this, at that moment i knew they were all faking lol i guess they felt the pressure that if us kids( my sister and i) can speak in tongues they better start speaking  so as not to be outdone (who wants to carry last lol). the so called man of God start yelling screaming  almost doing the splits like james brown  in front of the church saying everybody shout HALLELYAHHHHHH!!!!!he has done it, from there we went to our seats, at that moment at the tender age of 13 I knew I was done with churches  as a whole because I knew this was just fake. this same pastor whenever he put his hands on your head, will push ur head forcefully ( YOU would think mike tyson gave you a small jab on the head) so I would come ready one feet behind one forward so  I wouldn’t fall, and so did my dad because I observed him lol, meanwhile my mother will fall lol because of course she didn’t balance herself and other people will fall I guess they wanted to fall anyways as they believed it was expected. and if u didn’t fall he would give u one kind of look eeenh lol.so anyways we stopped going to that church after all his secrets came out and my parents realized he was fake, (the congregation later found out that he was enslaving some people in his home that were supposed to be in his custody he practically turned them to live in maids). So it was no surprise when I turned 18 I stopped going to church I was off legal age but with naija parent (they don’t understand legal age whaaarrus dat mean) I stylishly got a job and requested to work the 7am to 4pm shift. This continued for years and every now and then I would visit some churches, there was another one right it was an American church and I was starting to love it and then BOOM!!!!!! it happened the pastor said that God told him to plant another seed elsewhere and his wife (that woman can SANG not sing lol I am EXTRA I KNOW I mean whenever she opened her mouth it was what I imagined the angels in heaven sounded like) so they left only for the congregation to find out they took all the money in the church account because it was in their name. Maannn I took it hard I was so disappointed (it was not my money o) so I stopped going and also with the series of event taking place in my life at that point I didn’t know what to think of God and I was conflicted as to how he was letting certains happen in my life  it was so bad I didn’t even know if he really existed and of course my faith was running on zero (THE DEVIL ALWAYS TELLS LIES) and then last year happened I hit my lowest of all lows. I just had enough, I mean I just couldn’t see the light no matter how I tried it was bad bad bad, I felt hopeless and  completely broken ( the devil knows how to turn your life to rags if you let him) and watching youtube  and I came across some Billy Graham message to the world, normally I would have skipped it but something made me click on it and watched and boy ya girl was crying and decided to give her life to BIG G.O.D and guess what !!!!! LIFE HAS NEVER BEEEN BETTER. Now when I think back on all those times when I was trying to control my life I just shake my head when I could have just handed it to my everlasting BOO of LIFE G.O.D, I could have saved my self-countless worries, heartbreaks and see the good in certain situation, but anyhoo It never too late and God has shown me he is still God and I gotta tell yall THE BEST IS STILL YET TO COME YA BETTER BELIEVE IT DIVAS AND DIVOS/GENTS.
P.S I DIDN’T INTEND ON WRITING A LONG POST BUT THIS HAPPENED LOL (I WRITE LIKE I TALK)  I WROTE THE SPICE GIRLS INCIDENCE AND SOMEHOW I ACCIDENTLY  DELETED IT  DANNG!  DON’T YA JUST HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS ANYHOO YALL HAVE A FABULOUS DAY AND DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE!!

32 comments:

  1. The Devil is a liar. He wanted to use some dubious men to derail you but his plan has not worked. Men of God are still Men and sometimes they fall down. Which is why i try not look at the men of God but focus on the Word of God. I am glad you have got your heavenly groove back on. Love your description of yourself 'lipstick whore'....#classic

    http://journalofapetitediva.blogspot.com

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    1. love that term heavenly groove lol i need to use that word, and true talk i have learned that now they are still human and prone to mistakes.

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  2. And she is back!!!!......buh first WTF!?!?...mami....are you serious???.....Mehnnnn...I am not even sure what to say buh May God forgive these 'supposed' pastors.....Mehnnn mami.....the Holy Spirit will give you that gift at the right time...NO MAN can give it to you....mehnnn...I feel like giving that man a bitchslap....grrr...

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    1. heeeeey chica, yes i am lol naaah dont worry he is gonna get a heavenly slap from GOD LOL. i pray they are forgiven also it bring to the mind many are called but few are chosen.

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  3. yep the devil is really a liar. men this men of God were really dubious i cant believe you went through all that. anyways thank you for your post i have been going through this jounrey of not felling christianity any more, but only just told God i am sorry and i am coming back. first point of call working on my thoughts. Thanks for stopping by blog. take care and i love your blog. www.secretlilies.com

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    1. he sure is and always will be, i'm glad i was about to inspire you a lil bit to put a pep into your steps with the lord(off tangent but it kinda rhymes right lol).and you are totally welcome and thank you!!!

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    2. I am glad you shared your testimony ms cookie..its truly sad the way some persons have turned christianity upside down, using the words in the bible for their selfish gain..but Paul also warned us about this in the Bible, beware of wolves in sheep clothing, all this have been foretold..if we look at men, we will fall, but we look to Jesus,to God, the author and finisher of our faith, He is perfect!

      And I know lots of people will be encouraged by you, a relationship with God is the sweetest we can ever have..not a relationship with the pastor, with God, and that's what we should work on.

      Big hugs to you Ibifiri, I know you will be on track soon, just know that even when we don't feel like it, God is still God and is ever ready to come into our lives, just seek Him, seek Him with your heart..remember, He is with you always, even unto the end of time... I am running something on delving into the word on my blog, it may help..faith in God comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.i know feeding ur spirit with the word of God will also help you find God and the christian in you again.
      *big hugs

      www.imperfectlyperfectlives.com

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  4. I laughed so much reading your post. especially where you said "I was waiting for this spirit that was gonna make me speak ABRACADABRA"

    I'm glad you found Jesus for yourself and that you can proclaim "Life has never been better" Every day in this Christian journey will not be rosey or comfortable but when you know Jesus and his love it makes all the difference in the world. Good days and Bad days there is hope in God. God bless you and keep pressing on.

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    1. LOL glad you laughed, i mean i truly waited and kinda imagined a small flame would appear on top of our heads(just like the pic in my book of bible stories)part of the reason we had our eyes open and waited for this spirit lmao, but it is well. and you are very right everyday isnt perfect but HOPE and knowing that i am not alone makes a lot of difference.

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  5. You are welcome my dear, and thanks ever so much for this post. Lol, I can relate ooooooo. I believe in tongues o (now I can speak in tongues), however, it is possible to fake it. I remember one day in church, we were called to the altar and we were prayed for as they wanted us to speak in tongues. One of the deaconesses lay her hands on me, and it was like she was forcing me to speak in tongues. Everyone was speaking in tongues, and I did not want to be left out so I faked it. As soon as I 'started speaking in tongues', she started praising God.

    Please, allow me to share this post. Of course, all credit goes to you!

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    1. lol isnt that funny when people decide they will make you speak in tongues right now this minute it hilarious!! i am sure we arent the only ones who have faked it. oh yeah you cant definately share it :-) have a great day.

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  6. Hahaaha..omGod.. You are so funny. I have never spoken in tongues.I've been to churches were they teach you to but I decided not to learn it. I want to feel it. I want it to be real...I might just go mental the day I do cos I would be so excited. The devil is a liar..he tried but didn't succeed. Nice

    Ehn ehn, babe check your reply to yours truly. Do you mean she can or she can't share?

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    1. lol thanks chica same here i am not there yet but whenever it happens it gonna be so SURREAL. i just want it to happen you know kind of naturally i dont want to be coerced into it. and oops i meant she could share it funny i didnt even see my typo

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  7. Noooo! I just lost the longest comment ever! I will have to come back to write it all over.

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  8. Hehehehe i love this post. Actually hilarious too and i bet it if you hadn't ended it with the fact that you are now a true believer. Seriously if one is not careful all these so called men of God can make one sick of christianity..

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    1. awww thanks :-) yeah we just gotta focus on God and keep in mind our pastors are humans and capable of mistakes.

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  9. This is a fantastic post...and you write so well...
    I quite agree with you, many of them fake it...I don't know if they are just faking it hoping the real thing would hit them though.
    Take care of you but mz, am looking forward to a new post...

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    2. awww thanks man for the compliment you have me displaying my 32 lol i totally appreciate it. yeaaah are right about a lot of folks faking till they make it, but being fake require a level of commitment than i am willing to give. the world would be a much better place if we all learned to live our truth

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  10. This you must speak in tongues campaign is rampart in school fellowship, when you don't speak they will start looking you one kian lool one told me indirectly that my sins are to much that's prolly why I can't speak

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    1. wow someone said that to you forreal hehe, some folks have balls and i guess the person is sinless, girl i cant with ignorant folks

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  11. I didn't even realise the post was that long. I really enjoyed reading your experience. There's a saying in Yoruba that Only God knows who is worshipping Him in truth

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    1. awww im glad you enjoyed it, yes o that saying is so true many are called but few are chosen.until judgement day

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  12. When I was in the university, a certain fellowship used to hold speaking in tongue classes. You'd repeat what the instructor said, it's enough to turn you off. It's amazing how God has our backs no matter how far we try to run from him.

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    1. wow that just kinda crazy lol how the heck can one be tutored into doing that sighs..... yeah that the wondeful thing about him he doesnt force us we have to do it willingly

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  13. I loved reading your testimony. I'm so glad God brought you home in His time and in His own way! Amazing...

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    1. awww thanks im glad you loved it :-) and he sure did i was lost for a long time but my arrival back has totally been worth it i am grateful for his grace.

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  14. Na only God go help us in these modern day religious slave trade that be happening everywhere oh. It is sad that some people have accepted Pastoral callings as a means to a sharp sharp end, as against a call to serve God and humanity. It is well oh... It is on days like this i love my catholic church, it is strictly me, my God and I....

    sometimes yeah, life kicks us in the face so hard that we feel we cannot go on... more like we choose not to go on.... but like you stated Ms Cookie, when we realise God is all that we have, we will know God is all that we need now and forever. Cheers Bubba.

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    1. abi o you are so right, it sad a lot of them now see it as the easiest way to make money. with that said we all have to use our sense of discernment afterall God gave us a brain. and heck yeah he is always there for us even when he think he isnt that the best part about him.

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  15. AHAHAHAHAHAAA!
    Cookie! Cookie! HUMPH! If I start to comment on this topic, I would write a post!
    Lemme just say, I am with you on this and have given every church a long rope!
    I attended America church and 9ja church for yankee, and my conclusion is MONEY is the underlying factor! Wait! I remembered, I wrote a post on it...lemme go and search for the link...I dey come......................................OK! my back....here is the link http://newdawn40.blogspot.com/2014/01/would-they-listen.html ...

    Lemme share this joke with you. My cousin did similar thing to your fake act. You know how people are expected to fall under the anointing? He said, the visiting pastor laid hand on his forehead but when he didn't fall, the pastor was putting pressure, he still refused to fall, the pastor also refused to give up, and he placed a foot behind my cousin and pushed his head in a bid for him to trip over, but my cousin braced himself and looked straight into the pastor's eyes as if to tell him,; o boy! no try am o! The pastor kind of get the message and left my cousin alone. Since then, my cousin do not attend Pentecostal churches, and he got married to a catholic and he is now a very active member of a catholic church and he loves the church. ahahaha. ....ok! See me, I ahve written a post comment! #running away#

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    1. OOPS! I forgot to say this;

      Am happy you found true salvation later in life. There is nothing like having a PERSONAL relationship with GOD. They way we all found CHRIST and relate to GOD is different from each other, just as we relate to each other as humans. For instance, I can be myself with you,while in some blogs, I am reserved. Very happy for you Cookie. E-hug

      I sincerely believe, without all the shenanigans of so-called pastors and churches, humans would have had a better relationship with their creator.
      The missionaries that brought the Gospel to us, won over many believers by their actions rather than words, they just planted the seed, and the HOLY SPIRIT did the rest.

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